Comic #400

TwoBuy · Post by **TwoBuy** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 10:39 pm

GreenCrayon wrote:So, we just put our hand out, and you have to stop what you're doing and carry us places?

Wow, this is so not funny after my meeting I just got back from. Apparently that's what I'm going to be doing at work from now on too

.

LordRetard · Post by **LordRetard** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:12 am

Hahah, people are outraged at me. I think this was all worth it.

Sheriff Dani wrote:Also, LordRetard's name? Fitting.

You must feel good about yourself, being able to note the obvious. I always wonder why people take such time to point out my name. It's like they think I've never heard it before and that I accidentally made my name into a joke.

singtralala wrote:[cough] nerd! [/cough]

I can't deny it.

Society · Post by **Society** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 2:07 am

This isn't outrage, there just using you as a whipping boy for puns and quips. Enjoy!

LordRetard · Post by **LordRetard** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:11 am

Society wrote:This isn't outrage, there just using you as a whipping boy for puns and quips. Enjoy!

Meh, at least they pretend to be outraged. It's the thought that counts.

TwoBuy · Post by **TwoBuy** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 8:33 am

LordRetard wrote:Meh, at least they pretend to be outraged. It's the thought that counts.

Well I was outraged. I still haven't gotten my free beers. Read the $#(@!& Newbee Thread!

Jesster · Post by **Jesster** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:04 am

There's nothing in the newbie thread about giving you beers, you realise?

And Retard, no-one actually cares too much about what's posted on this forum, no-one's ever going to get outraged at you simply because we spend too much time using each other as the basis for puns. Everything on this forum gets turned into a joke, however your post was rather pointless, and Dani does own a rather large whip (So I'm told). Also, she may be the only woman you ever come in contact with.

GreenCrayon · Post by **GreenCrayon** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 10:37 am

Jesster wrote:There's nothing in the newbie thread about giving you beers, you realise?

TwoBuy, in the newbie thread, wrote:8 ) If you're ever in Seattle, buy me a beer.

I'm not quite sure how TwoBuy knows when you've bought him a beer, but trust me, he knows. Watching the dark threads of him slide out of the shadows to coalesce into a rabid Beer Harpy is a most unsettling occurrence, but it's also one of nature's greatest miracles, so be sure to tape it for future generations.

Jesster wrote:your post was rather pointless, and Dani does own a rather large whip (So I'm told).

Do not take the Sheriff's anger lightly. Once, I drunkenly posted a new thread about how Zach forgot to draw a wrinkle in someone's clothing*. Dani sent me a box of chopped up puppies. A similar package arrived at my local mayor's house with "from GreenCrayon" scrawled on it in blood. When the police arrived at my house, they found the evidence was overwhelming, and arrested me, throwing me into prison for life without a trial.

The prison was a hard place to live. I quickly learned who I couldn't trust, and slowly learned who I could. My cellmate, Bob, was just as eager to leave as I was (he had also been the subject of a frame-up, or so he claimed once I'd explained my convoluted story to him). We spent years trying to smuggle spoons from the canteen back to our cell; when we were caught, the punishments defied explanation.

However, using those spoons they didn't find, we finally managed to dig our way out of our cell, only to find the prison was situated on a remote island, surrounded by choppy seas and fierce storms. Immediately, I strangled Bob. The dying look in his eyes as his body fell limp told me he would have done the same had he reacted a moment earlier, and with his dying breath he whispered "Awesome." I'll never forget Bob.

With his corpse now a makeshift raft, I set about the unforgiving task of mastering the ocean. Using Bob's rigid leg as a mast and a pair of knotted serviettes as a sail, I soon discovered an aptitude for sailing I thought I could never have had. So at home was I on Bob's corpse, riding the waves as though they were there merely to keep me company, I decided to forego my quest home, and instead take up the life of a pirate. Sadly, I was near no shipping lanes, and the Bob-raft would last only a week before becoming too ravaged by saltwater to be usable any more. Thankfully, by this point I had come ashore on a rainy island with no name (that I ever learned), and made my home there, scavenging what I could from the haunted forests and desolate moors. In time I befriended a wild fox, whom I named Oscar, after Bob.

Oscar and I were, temporarily, the best of friends. He taught me how to hunt the rabbits of the island, and use their skin as small, but attractive, fashion accessories. I taught Oscar how to love again, and how to appreciate the intricacies of Shakespearean sonnets. Given that he had no understanding of English, he did very well. However, I had already learned the ways of betrayal, and when times grew hard, Oscar made a fine meal. Within his stomach I found a most curious item; a vermillion gem covered in unfamiliar runic symbols. When placed upon my forehead, I could use this gem to connect to the internet! Such a wonderous device left me curious as to its origins, but more curious as to how it had found its way into Oscar's diet. Disregarding my curiosity, however, I soon found my way back to these very forums. In conclusion, please send blankets and food.

* Don't go looking for this post, I made it up. In fact, it's probably best not to trust anything I wrote here.

Jesster · Post by **Jesster** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:58 pm

That was awesome. But you clearly have too much procrastination going there, since you already stated you lack free time.

I liked Bob though.

we_are_138 · Post by **we_are_138** » Sun Jan 22, 2006 8:00 pm

You need to wright books and zack can illustrate I would buy them.

TwoBuy · Post by **TwoBuy** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 7:49 pm

we_are_138 wrote:You need to wright books and zack can illustrate I would buy them.

And use the profits to buy me beers!

GreenCrayon · Post by **GreenCrayon** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:34 am

TwoBuy wrote:And use the profits to buy me beers!

You's always leaning on them prophets to get you hooch. Lay off the soothsayers, cap-is-key?

hawhaw1267 · Post by **hawhaw1267** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:49 pm

Oh my GOD! GreenCrayon...you are my God! That was the funniest story I have ever red in my whole life! I laughed so hard that I fell out of my chair and had many many mild heart attacks. And when I say "many" I mean 1003 mild heart attacks. Then I started drooling and puking things I had not yet eaten.

You rawk dude!

Simon. · Post by **Simon.** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 4:52 pm

hawhaw1267 wrote:Oh my GOD! GreenCrayon...you are my God! That was the funniest story I have ever red in my whole life! I laughed so hard that I fell out of my chair and had many many mild heart attacks. And when I say "many" I mean 1003 mild heart attacks. Then I started drooling and puking things I had not yet eaten.

You rawk dude!

He's enthusiastic, that's for sure. I agree though, except for the part about the heart attacks, I had slightly less, and because I was electrocuted. Also, I didn't throw anything up, just ate... Chips... and... Mars Bars.

TwoBuy · Post by **TwoBuy** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 6:23 pm

GreenCrayon wrote:In time I befriended a wild fox, whom I named Oscar, after Bob.

I'll have to agree. This was maybe the funniest thing I've read since that monkey story I posted in the General->Jokes thread.

LordRetard · Post by **LordRetard** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 9:11 pm

GreenCrayon wrote:
TwoBuy wrote:And use the profits to buy me beers!
You's always leaning on them prophets to get you hooch. Lay off the soothsayers, cap-is-key?

Los ticka toe rest.