Commanding Officers, Saturday Militia

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Commanding Officers, Saturday Militia

Post by Sahan »

The Saturday Militia was a secret guerilla operation used as part of a two-pronged assault by Zach the Magnificent in 2011 as part of the Blogosphere Offensive.The militia was involved in several physical attack on major hosting providers including IWeb that was coupled with a digital attack by the Spam-bots.

The Commanding Officers of the Saturday Militia were all hand-picked by Zach the Magnificent to be the finest group of warriors that he could scramble together after a few days of searching on the internet for loyal supporters. They included; Gen. Winter Malaise who overlooked the entire assault, Bravo Company Commander Edminster, Alpha Team Commander Hawhaw1267, Delta Force Commander Lethal Interjection and Gamma Squad Commander Frostbite.

Little is known about the life of General Winter Malaise prior to his recruitment in the Saturday Militia, but his promotion to the rank of General was almost immediate. Reports and recovered correspondance of other soldiers who worked with him from this time have described the General as a cunning and intelligent leader, but peculiarly carried an air of inevitability about impending failure.
Correspondance to home from an unknown soldier wrote:...Malaise came up to me an chatted after the raid. Said congratz ftw and all that. He keeps saying that the we gotta keep making the most of our advantage because sooner or later they'll be prepared for us and it'll be gg. Not in those words tho, he uses fancy pants words in that slow voice of his, and with heaps of *sighs* and stuff. I think he's like emo or something, so fkn depressed...
General Winter Malaise died during the final raid on Silicon Valley on the 3rd of December, 2011, and was shot down after a script error caused his armour to malfunction. Before that month would end, Zach the Magnificent cut his losses and officially withdrew with from the Blogosphere Offensive on December 28.

Also to perish in battle was honourary Bravo Company Commander Edminster, after their first attack on the IWeb Company Building on November 14th 2011, known as the <<Meatspace Assault>>. The Meatspace Assault, it is believed, would have helped the Offensive significantly by providing weaspons to complement both the Saturday Militia and the Spam-bot attacks. Commander Edminster, in charge of the <<Spam-bot Augmentation Facility>>, was particularly interested in the success of this operation, and requested to lead this raid and personally see to the acquiring of the resources, and hence became the short-lived Commander of the Bravo Company. With his death, the information about the resources Edminster hoped to acquire, as well as much of the technology used to modify Spam-bots died with him, as much of his work became missing or unrecoverable after his death.

Lethal Interjection, Frostbite, and hawhaw1267 all survived the Offensive without any serious injuries, and had achieved minor successes as commanding officers. With the death of Edminster however, the offensives undertaken by the Alpha, Delta and Gamma teams would become less and less frequent, and none of these parties were involved in what was to be the final raid. With the end of the Blogosphere Offensive, the three commanders were stripped of their duties and sent into exile as the forum was dismantled, however Lethal Interjection and Frostbite were pardoned and allowed to return to SMB City after the Server rebalancing and the coming of the <<Second Age>>

Author's Comments: It appears from my research that the Blogosphere Offensive relied heavily on the Meatspace Assault and Edminster's research into Spam-bot augmentation technology for success. With his death, it seemed the motivation to continue the assault waned. As to what Commander Edminster was hoping to find upon the success of the Meatspace Assault remains a mystery, but it is rumoured to have helped make Spam-bots function in the real world, complement the Militia with a digital attack as well as bolstrering their numbers by becoming soldiers. Why Edminster chose to participate in the battle rather than remain in the <<Spam-Bot Augmentation Facility>> to continue his research, how he came to die or indeeed why much of his work disappeared after his death are questions that remain unresolved to this day.
Destructicus wrote: Alt text:
"I wonder if chemists feel bad that they're always left out of these sorts of jokes."

Since when is chemistry not a science?

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