Trolls, I Implore You

[Guest]

I have recently been receiving text messages from a woman I don't know, who is under the impression that these texts are being directed to her boyfriend, who she seems to suspect of some minor infidelity. This seems like an excellent opportunity for something hilarious, but unfortunately my comedic abilities are only marginally better than those of dry toast. I've heard that this is the troll region of the forum, so I implore you for help.

If interested, please read her texts below and help me respond:

YESTERDAY

Hey babe get on facebook k luv u dnt txt back il get in trouble get on it

sory babe me and my mom were fiting i cnt txt u so luv u and c u in time out dnt txt bck.

TODAY

6:43: hey

6:56: babe. I thought u said u changed then u cn go and check out moriah and then tel jayvee you wana smack her ass. If that's what yuh want then go rite ahead I wuz hapy tho I thout it wuz al me gez nt.

7:14: hey I g2g txt bck love u bye

7:51: babe talk to me plz,

PRESENT: nvmind I g2g bye.

I'll update this as she sends more. any suggestions?

[DonRetrasado]

"get bck in the damn kitchen"

[Oldrac the Chitinous]

Hey babe get on facebook k luv u dnt txt back il get in trouble get on it

sory babe me and my mom were fiting i cnt txt u so luv u and c u in time out dnt txt bck.

I am not 100% sure that's a woman.
See that you don't get the Federales on you.

[Kaharz]

I recommend tracking her down and hitting her with a dictionary.

[Frostbite]

I recommend tracking her down and hitting her with a dictionary.

This is no longer a viable option since they decided to include that abortion of the English language, 'noob'.

[Kaharz]

While I think that 'noob' is a stupid word, I have no problem with the dictionary including slang. Especially when they specify it as slang. There are a lot of words we use commonly in 'proper' English that either did not exist or were considered to be crass slang decades or longer ago. Most languages change and when a word comes into common enough use it should be recognized. But butchering words and bad phonetic abbreviations because you are too lazy to make a few extra key strokes is still bad in my opinion. Especially when it is done to such an extreme that your words become difficult to parse.

[Felstaff]

*Facebook
*okay
*love
*you
*don't
*text
*I'll
*sorry
*fighting
*I
*can't
*text
*you
*love
*you
*see
*you
*don't
*text
*back
*you
*you
*you
*can
*Moriah
*tell
*Jayvee
*want to
*you
*right
*was
*happy
*though
*thought
*was
*all
*guess
*not
*Hey
*have to leave
*text
*back
*you
*please
*never mind
*have to leave

[GUTCHUCKER]

Huh?

[Sahan]

He was correcting spelling and grammar from a previous post.

[GUTCHUCKER]

Hm, that gives me the what but leaves the why sadly lacking.
Oh well!