I read the news today, oh boy

[smiley_cow]

Every once in a while I come across a news story which probably doesn't actually deserve its own thread, but I want to share anyways. So I'm creating a thread, special, just for these stories.*

To start, here's a beautiful one I found on the BBC today.

Women Denies Setting Man on Fire. Now with a headline like that how can you not want to read that story? I guess what happened was, A British tourist in Greece groped a woman in a bar, then she through whatever alcoholic beverage she was drinking on him, and somehow he caught fire. He says she did it, she says she just doused him with alcohol after being groped and has no idea how he caught fire, and (this is my favourite part) his parents say she's lying and their wonderful son would never grope a woman in a bar. Tis a mystery, I say! Trial resumes again Monday.



*You guys can post stories here too.**
**Maybe***
***Alright, fine you can.

[Kimra]

What a lucky man who made the grade!

But I say who cares if it was intentional? That'll learn him.

[Cirtur]

Hey, he still got some action even though he got set on fire. Looks like he needs a cold shower.

[Sahan]

The guy's a filthy Brit, you can't trust a word they say. Probably set himself on fire with the help of some friends to take away the pain of rejection.

[Cirtur]

That is the ritual over here. Self-immolation to burn away the shame.

[Kimra]

That is the ritual over here. Self-immolation to burn away the shame.

You've gotten a lot of 3rd degree burns in your life haven't you?

[Cirtur]

perhaps

[Sahan]

So the guy decided to flee the country now rather than face the courts. Pussy.

HAHA GET IT?

[Felstaff]

From what I heard he drunkenly bumped into her and she responded by setting his tackle on fire.

As a clumsy fellow, I shan't be visiting Greece in the near future. Well, maybe to see the Great Pyramids, but I have to finish my geography degree first.

[smiley_cow]

The whole thing does seem to be a he said/she said thing, hopefully by the end of the trial we'll know who's telling the truth. They both sound like they were just victims of circumstance if you take either at their word.

I shan't be visiting Greece in the near future. Well, maybe to see the Great Pyramids...

Good luck with that.

[Felstaff]

You wait til you see photos of me standing amidst the Hanging Gardens of Parthenon with the beauty and splendour of Mount Rushmore in the background. Then you'll be a-jawed with wonder.

[Edminster]

Some people called me a supervillain for stealing tourist attractions and putting them all in one place. Really, I just see myself as an efficiency expert.

[Felstaff]

I love the way the Space Needle protrudes majestically from Roosevelt's eye.

[Cirtur]

It's a bit too phallic glorious for me.

[Euclidthegreek]

Maybe he "bumped into her by accident". . . Or Maybe. . .

They call themselves "Students," at least the girl does. But maybe they're both actually. . .
. . .members of two feuding bands of highly trained international assassin-spies!
This so-called "Stuart Feltham" was touching her in order to inject a lethal neurotoxin into her rear. He had traveled all the way to Greece in order to track her down. But before he could inject the venom, she poured a rare, highly toxic flammable acid onto him (she added it to her drink just before to avoid suspicion). The acid would have burned through his clothes and entered his bloodstream within minutes, but he knew the only way to save himself and set himself on fire. The acid burned away.

This is the real story, people! Know the truth! The fate of the world depends on the agencies' battle.