I read the news today, oh boy

Some of the News, every Once in a While

Moderator: GreenCrayon

I read the news today, oh boy

Postby smiley_cow » Sat Aug 08, 2009 8:27 am

Every once in a while I come across a news story which probably doesn't actually deserve its own thread, but I want to share anyways. So I'm creating a thread, special, just for these stories.*

To start, here's a beautiful one I found on the BBC today.

Women Denies Setting Man on Fire. Now with a headline like that how can you not want to read that story? I guess what happened was, A British tourist in Greece groped a woman in a bar, then she through whatever alcoholic beverage she was drinking on him, and somehow he caught fire. He says she did it, she says she just doused him with alcohol after being groped and has no idea how he caught fire, and (this is my favourite part) his parents say she's lying and their wonderful son would never grope a woman in a bar. Tis a mystery, I say! Trial resumes again Monday. :)



*You guys can post stories here too.**
**Maybe***
***Alright, fine you can.
DonRetrasado wrote:Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose... Bitcoin.
User avatar
smiley_cow
polite but murderous
 
Posts: 6518
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:15 pm
Location: The vast and desolate prairies

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Kimra » Sat Aug 08, 2009 10:16 am

What a lucky man who made the grade!

But I say who cares if it was intentional? That'll learn him.
King Prawn
User avatar
Kimra
He-Man in a Miniskirt
 
Posts: 6872
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:18 am
Location: meanwhile elsewhere

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Cirtur » Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:22 am

Hey, he still got some action even though he got set on fire. Looks like he needs a cold shower.
User avatar
Cirtur
Licensed Troll Pornographer
 
Posts: 9996
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:13 pm
Location: Europe

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Sahan » Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:41 pm

The guy's a filthy Brit, you can't trust a word they say. Probably set himself on fire with the help of some friends to take away the pain of rejection.
Destructicus wrote:Alt text:
"I wonder if chemists feel bad that they're always left out of these sorts of jokes."

Since when is chemistry not a science?
User avatar
Sahan
"I promise you no penis jokes."
 
Posts: 4366
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 6:20 am
Location: Perth, Australia

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Cirtur » Sat Aug 08, 2009 4:23 pm

That is the ritual over here. Self-immolation to burn away the shame.
User avatar
Cirtur
Licensed Troll Pornographer
 
Posts: 9996
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:13 pm
Location: Europe

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Kimra » Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:51 pm

Cirtur wrote:That is the ritual over here. Self-immolation to burn away the shame.

You've gotten a lot of 3rd degree burns in your life haven't you?
King Prawn
User avatar
Kimra
He-Man in a Miniskirt
 
Posts: 6872
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:18 am
Location: meanwhile elsewhere

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Cirtur » Sun Aug 09, 2009 12:01 am

perhaps
User avatar
Cirtur
Licensed Troll Pornographer
 
Posts: 9996
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:13 pm
Location: Europe

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Sahan » Mon Aug 10, 2009 10:49 am

So the guy decided to flee the country now rather than face the courts. Pussy.

HAHA GET IT?
Destructicus wrote:Alt text:
"I wonder if chemists feel bad that they're always left out of these sorts of jokes."

Since when is chemistry not a science?
User avatar
Sahan
"I promise you no penis jokes."
 
Posts: 4366
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 6:20 am
Location: Perth, Australia

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Felstaff » Mon Aug 10, 2009 4:04 pm

From what I heard he drunkenly bumped into her and she responded by setting his tackle on fire.

As a clumsy fellow, I shan't be visiting Greece in the near future. Well, maybe to see the Great Pyramids, but I have to finish my geography degree first.
255 characters of free advertising space? I'm selling these line feather jackets...
User avatar
Felstaff
XKCD spy
 
Posts: 784
Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:37 pm

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby smiley_cow » Mon Aug 10, 2009 7:25 pm

The whole thing does seem to be a he said/she said thing, hopefully by the end of the trial we'll know who's telling the truth. They both sound like they were just victims of circumstance if you take either at their word.

Felstaff wrote:I shan't be visiting Greece in the near future. Well, maybe to see the Great Pyramids...


Good luck with that.
DonRetrasado wrote:Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose... Bitcoin.
User avatar
smiley_cow
polite but murderous
 
Posts: 6518
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:15 pm
Location: The vast and desolate prairies

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Felstaff » Mon Aug 10, 2009 8:31 pm

You wait til you see photos of me standing amidst the Hanging Gardens of Parthenon with the beauty and splendour of Mount Rushmore in the background. Then you'll be a-jawed with wonder.
255 characters of free advertising space? I'm selling these line feather jackets...
User avatar
Felstaff
XKCD spy
 
Posts: 784
Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:37 pm

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Edminster » Mon Aug 10, 2009 9:11 pm

Some people called me a supervillain for stealing tourist attractions and putting them all in one place. Really, I just see myself as an efficiency expert.
ol qwerty bastard wrote:bitcoin is backed by math, and math is intrinsically perfect and logically consistent always

gödel stop spreading fud
User avatar
Edminster
Tested positive for Space-AIDS
 
Posts: 8836
Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2005 9:53 pm
Location: Internet

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Felstaff » Mon Aug 10, 2009 9:22 pm

I love the way the Space Needle protrudes majestically from Roosevelt's eye.
255 characters of free advertising space? I'm selling these line feather jackets...
User avatar
Felstaff
XKCD spy
 
Posts: 784
Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:37 pm

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Cirtur » Mon Aug 10, 2009 9:38 pm

It's a bit too phallic glorious for me.
User avatar
Cirtur
Licensed Troll Pornographer
 
Posts: 9996
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:13 pm
Location: Europe

Re: I read the news today, oh boy

Postby Euclidthegreek » Wed Aug 12, 2009 3:19 am

Maybe he "bumped into her by accident". . . Or Maybe. . .

They call themselves "Students," at least the girl does. But maybe they're both actually. . .
. . .members of two feuding bands of highly trained international assassin-spies!
This so-called "Stuart Feltham" was touching her in order to inject a lethal neurotoxin into her rear. He had traveled all the way to Greece in order to track her down. But before he could inject the venom, she poured a rare, highly toxic flammable acid onto him (she added it to her drink just before to avoid suspicion). The acid would have burned through his clothes and entered his bloodstream within minutes, but he knew the only way to save himself and set himself on fire. The acid burned away.

This is the real story, people! Know the truth! The fate of the world depends on the agencies' battle.
Edminster wrote:I'm starting to think Euclid lives in the past.
User avatar
Euclidthegreek
Fisty McGee
 
Posts: 1879
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:06 pm
Location: The Mathiverse

Next

Return to Random News Network

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest