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Lethal Interjection
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Post by Lethal Interjection »

Me, I'm with Twobuy. Even casual mention of those deserves a NSFW tag.

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TwoBuy
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Post by TwoBuy »

Yeah, I've seen most of those, but I hadn't heard of meatspin and thought, "did someone put hamburger or maybe even a live duck or something in a blender? That sounds pretty hilarious." Nope.
Stories from 19-yo mistresses
Hey girl whats up
A drunk driver hit my blind, 12-yo sister on her way home from school. Im @ the funeral
hahaha
That wasnt a joke dick-hole
Oh
Sooooo... my gf will be out of town Wednesday. U gunna be back by then?

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mountainmage
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Post by mountainmage »

oh for god's sake, don't tell me you actually looked when you didn't know what it was :oops:

in that case, DON'T look at lemonparty. IT AIN'T LEMONS!
No more white horses ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬ for you to ride away

cheez.wiz
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Post by cheez.wiz »

mountainmage wrote:oh for god's sake, don't tell me you actually looked when you didn't know what it was :oops:

in that case, DON'T look at lemonparty. IT AIN'T LEMONS!
It does leave a sour taste though. I'm not referring to the actions depicted. But i wanted to gouge my eyes out. Or someone else's eyes. Hey, good idea! I'll do just that. KTHXBAI!
bird bird bird, bird is a word, b-b-b-b-bird oh yeah bird is a word, bird bird bird

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mountainmage
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Post by mountainmage »

-----------------------------Jaydee?s Better-late-than-never Battle Plan:
[You said I was captain of the team, so I assumed I was a player. It didn?t say coach? I think that?s what the guy on the side is called, google seems far to hard for my brain to click on at this moment in time]

Everyone is waiting for me to think of a plan, but it?s terrible news for them that I actually did NOT eat my weet-bix this morning and have absolutely no ideas. So I decide we will foul our way out to an early lift home and some hard earned dinner at McDonalds - The food of people who cheat and want to go home early anyway.

I send out myself with one foul, Tom Cruise [3 fouls], Doris [1 foul], Bontta [4 foul] and Davo [1 foul]? I?ve given the instruction.
?Fuck them up?
So I go out and jump for the ball in the middle thing [you can tell I know a lot about basketball] and I smack the ball directly into the other guys face.
Foul.
I?m now up to two fouls. Tom Cruise is pretty pissed off at me and starts cursing like a sailor who?s girlfriend has left him at the dock with only his hand and a tub of Vaseline after he had just gotten back from a trip that she insisted he should go on to earn money for the baby? which probably wasn?t even his in semen in the first fucking place.
Foul. Tom Cruise better watch it or he might actually do something that somebody else has told him to do, which is a shock to everyone, because we all know that Tom Cruise is not someone who is easily lead! :O
Five minutes pass and there are five minutes remaining. I see Doris alone and I decide she needs some female companionship to maybe settle down her rough spirit. I call Tom off and pull our old mate Dwight [the gay red-nut] on. Dwight and Doris immediately start talking about some shit. I walk past Doris and smack ?dat, all on the floor as I am walking past. Doris, being a strong woman has folded quickly, assuming that Dwight is the guy who slapped her be-donk-eh-donk, she pounces on him and rips off all of his clothes.
Love making penalty.
All fouls are bi-passed and BAM two of my team mates are sent off.

Seen as we don?t have enough to go on, Davo drives me home and I eat dinner.
Triple Cheeseburger with extra cheese and sauce, with no pickles. Large Coke.
Delicious transfats finish off a good night.

-------------------------Craze's hobo-killing farcical adventure:
Team Captain Craze gathers his team for a time out. He watches them gather, his stomach sinking at the sight of every player. The game has been going insanely horrible. Losing at 13 to 46 with only eleven minutes left to play, Craze has suddenly decided to try for a miracle. He?s thought about bringing his hobo-murdering skills into play, but he knows the game has to be finished with some semblance of credibility. But as long as everyone else thinks it?s credible?
?Okay, team, we?re going to pull a win out of our assholes.?
Tom pipes in. ?All wins come but only from Xenu! GOD DAMN I FREAKING LOVE KATIE HOOOOLMES!!!!!!!!!? He starts bouncing up and down in insane glee, so Craze has about a minute to talk to the others.
Craze clears his throat. ?Okay, everyone agrees that Toms an asshole, correct??
?In my country, we rip off his genitalia and feed his prick to the pigs,? Bontta hisses.
?Good good,? Craze says, ?but right now we need him to win, so let?s just focus on getting him the ball.?
?Now wait just a god damn minute,? Doris cut in. ?I think that as a female player I can do just as good as Tom??
?After the game we?ll get Tom drunk and you can sleep with him.?
Doris? eyes widen, but she grins and nods.
?Good, now on the court Doris all I want from you is for you to stick to number fifty-seven like glue. Understand?? Doris licks her lips and Craze suppresses a groan. He had had a feeling she?d ?visited? the tallest black guy on the opposing team during half time. At the very least she might keep him distracted enough to keep him out of the way and make it a four on four battle.
?Dwight, I?m going to need you step up your game. I know you?re better than this.?
?I dunno, guy, it?s like, I?m just not feeling this at all,? Dwight says, speaking with a little lisp and making hand gestures like a 14 year old girl.
?You can have Tom after Doris is done with him.?
?But, like, I?m not gay!?
Craze gives Dwight a level look. ?You can only get your go at Tom if we win this game.?
?We?re going to win this game,? Dwight states, sounding less gay than he ever has before.
?I no give ball to asshole American Xenu fanatic,? Bontta states emphatically. ?Minority Report was only so-so movie.?
?You?KATIE HOLMES!!!?take that back! OH KATE OH KATIE OH?it was the best movie of all time?KATIE!?
?Bontta,? Craze says, knowing he?s running out of time, ?I?m pretty sure that every opposing player hates Serbia and wishes President Bush would lay waste to every man, woman, and child in Serbia with nuclear weapons.? Bontta gives him a blank look. ?And the goats. They?d kill the goats too.?
?RRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!?
?You can?t kill them, yet, though. If you attack them now the police will intervene.? Craze leans forward and whispers for Bontta?s ears alone. ?If we win the game I?ll make sure to find every single address of all the opposing players. You just concentrate on getting the ball after those guys miss their shots. Whenever you have to move with the ball, dribble and think about their dicks being eaten by pigs!?
Out of the corner of his eye Craze notices Daaaavoooo on the bench, and using his retard-like psychic abilities Daaaaaavoooooo chooses this exactly moment to wave at him inanely. Craze groans. Time is up?like magic Tom has come down from his Katie high and is ready to play again?but Craze has one last thing to do. He needs that damn ride home, but he also wants to win this game. He leaves his team with one last command and calls for a substitution.
As he passes Daaaaavoooooo, he whispers fiercely, ?Davo, you suck and we?re losing because of you. Don?t argue! I remember in fourth grade you were really good at dodge ball. Aim for their foreheads; if we forfeit this game because of you?!?
The game starts again. First Tom snatches the ball and runs over to make a quick three pointer. As the opposing team gets the ball, Doris is staying too close to fifty seven and possibly doing something sketchy besides, but it brings things down to a four man game. As the opposing team runs back to their side Dwight uses some gay magic and suddenly he has the ball. He hesitantly pumps the ball to Daaaaaaavoooooo, and the second he gets it, looking like an idiot spaz just like Craze thought he would, he vaults the ball into an opposing player?s forehead. Eight foul shots later, only 1 went in because they were all so dazed and the presence of anger emitting from Bontta is just too distracting. Daaaaaavoooooo is out of the game. The score is now 16 to 47.
Craze jumps back into the game with nine minutes and fifty seconds to go. Bontta gets a rebound and with some wonder of god or Xenu or whatever he?s able to dribble for two steps before passing it to Tom. He makes a slashing across genitals motion at Tom directly after, but Tom is too into the game to notice and makes two more points.
After this Dwight, well, he?s a freaking kangaroo on a pogo stick, he?s everywhere. It seems he?s just now found and released his inner gay energy and it?s overflowing. Every time the opponent gets the ball he?s up in their face, somehow blocking their passes and at the same time not so subtly trailing his fingers along their nipples, and from the ice pick nipples and confused looks on some of their faces Craze thinks he might be getting through to them or at least causing some serious doubt about their sexual preferences. Beside this, however, it seems that Bontta has them all in constant fear, making slashing motions with his thumb across his crotch at them and cackling like a foreign madman. Number fifty seven gets switched out, but it doesn?t take Doris long to bewitch his replacement, and soon after both fifty seven and thirty two are out of the game for fighting. The man they put in to replace them is shortly under Doris? thumb and then her entire body as they both stop even trying to look like they?re playing basketball and start making out on the floor.
Tom is, well, Tom. He willingly takes whatever balls are thrown his way by Dwight and Bontta and screams praises to Xenu and Katie Holmes with every lay up and three pointer. At one point it looked like trouble when he suddenly yelled, ?ALL MODERN PSYCHIATRY IS QUACKERY AND MATT LAURER AGREES WITH ME!!!? and, in the audience, Matt Laurer stood up angrily. Ann Coulter quickly pulled him back down by his bitch leash, though, since he was wearing a dog collar and leash as well as full black leather fetish outfit. Ann?s outfit?the mere description could?ve imploded an elephant?s four-foot penis from fifty feet away.
This left Craze without much to do, which was good because he was a pretty crappy basketball player. In the next 8 and a half minutes Tom makes twelve lay ups and three three-pointers, so with the other teams three extra goals, accomplished while Dwight is being too gay for one player and ignoring the others, the score is 51 to 53. Craze knows what he has to do. He grins like an animal. He?s waited for this, prepared for it. He didn?t think it was going to make a difference, but by his genius last minute planning and a twist of fate he could win this thing. He?s going to be the fucking hero.
At about thirty seconds left his team has the ball; there?s no time for arguments. He suddenly steps on Tom?s foot, and, getting close?almost like Dwight?s closeness, to which the referee has already become accustomed?punches him in the liver. Tom drops like parakeet flying full speed to meet its twin brother in a mirror and Craze grabs the ball. The opposing team, complete demoralized, sees Craze with the ball and, knowing he?s not a good player, starts to move in for the kill.
Craze cackles and pushes the button of a small transmitter in the lining of his jersey.
Suddenly, the heads of eight strategically placed hobos explode in sequence, covering half the audience in brain bits and skull fragments and leaving an eerily perfect array of fountaining blood gushes from behead necks. The audience screams and every single player of the opposing team, mesmerized, leaves Craze alone as he awkwardly bounces the ball up the court. He shoots a three pointer. He misses. He shoots again. Misses. One of the opposing team throws up. With the retching and screaming buzzing in Craze?s ears, he throws one last desperate three pointer half a second before the clock strikes zero. HE MAKES IT! THE SCORE IS 54 TO 53! CRAZE?S TEAM WINS!
Sniggering and grinning at the screaming, gore covered audience and the opposing team, most of whom have mentally and physically lost more than a basketball game this day, Craze gathers his players and brings them to Daaaaaavooooo?s van, which will drive them to the after game party at Tom?s house?


THE JUDGE-EONING (pronounced juh-jeh-ning): Jaydee is disqualified in this round for a late response. CRY ABOUT IT.
Additionally, Jaydee didn't even try to win. Anyone who's seen movies about basketball underdogs knows that a miracle happens at the end of the game and the underdogs win.
No more white horses ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬ for you to ride away

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ruotwocone
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Post by ruotwocone »

so clearly JayDee gets 0 points, but what about craze... 1 or 3?

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mountainmage
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Post by mountainmage »

Yes, yes, definetly a 3.
No more white horses ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬ for you to ride away

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TwoBuy
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Post by TwoBuy »

mountainmage wrote:Yes, yes, definetly a 3.
A 4 if it was possible. Craze will forever appear to me as Gene Hackman. Beautifully done.
Stories from 19-yo mistresses
Hey girl whats up
A drunk driver hit my blind, 12-yo sister on her way home from school. Im @ the funeral
hahaha
That wasnt a joke dick-hole
Oh
Sooooo... my gf will be out of town Wednesday. U gunna be back by then?

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Craze
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Post by Craze »

Hah, thx. I spent waaaay too much time on it, I swear. I was almost late for class and had to run, and it was hot and i was all sweaty...yeah I'm dork :roll:
"Eat not the yellow snow"
--Proverb of great wisdom from the back of
a Bazooka Joe wrapper

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mountainmage
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Post by mountainmage »

Craze wrote:Hah, thx. I spent waaaay too much time on it, I swear. I was almost late for class and had to run, and it was hot and i was all GOOBAH!...yeah I'm dork :roll:
No more white horses ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬ for you to ride away

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Simon.
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Post by Simon. »

Did Epoch hack your account or something?

I have to admit I could only be bothered reading them now, nice work Craze! I lollered at it. Jaydee's was wrong because she lost, losing was NOT AN OPTION JAYDEE. However I still enjoyed it. Jaydee might have to step up her game if she wants to sway the easily-amused-by-random-killing crowd.

New question sooner or later!
Not a big fan of signatures.

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mountainmage
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Post by mountainmage »

I only did it because I saw it in cheez's sig...
No more white horses ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬ for you to ride away

cheez.wiz
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Post by cheez.wiz »

hey, blame someone else* please.


*Like Twobuy per se.
bird bird bird, bird is a word, b-b-b-b-bird oh yeah bird is a word, bird bird bird

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Simon.
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Post by Simon. »

I totally tried for about 5 minutes to find that page where Epoch did his classic quoting of his own posts, like 5 times without adding anything to it. Classic Epoch. But I couldn't.
Not a big fan of signatures.

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