Cooking Experiments!

[Edminster]

I have to agree with Wolf here on the relish point. I'm not even that much of a plain ol' pickle fan most of the year. I get this weird phase where I have to devour four or five gallon jars of pickles in a week, but after that week is up I don't crave pickles until the same time next year. It's rather bizarre, really, since all I can think of during that week is the feel and flavour of pickles in my mouth.

Thinking back on it now, I find it incredibly unappetising, but I know that when October rolls around I'll buy five gallons of pickles yet again.

As for the being a shy eater? I know what you mean. It's taken me literally years in order to start feeling comfortable eating in front of other people. I blame having read Space Cadet at least twice a week when I was growing up for this. Hell, I blame Heinlein for a large amount of my personality. Of course, this is to be expected when you spend more time with his books than you do with school and your parents, but overall I think he raised me right.

[ruotwocone]

I thought wolf might respond to the relish stuff. For those that aren't forum-old enough to know, wolf used to work in a relish factory and put up some awesome descriptions about how they only use the highest quality cucumbers when making relish. I'd look up the post, but I'm lazy.

[Edminster]

I think that just makes it all the more reasonable to not want to eat it. After all, when you know everything that goes into making food, often times you don't want it. Familiarity breeds contempt, you see.

::edit::
Ah! I missed the sarcasm in your previous post, Twocone. In looking at it again, it's obviously there. I must be retarded.

[ruotwocone]

apparently I'm not too lazy...

OK, you asked. However before I start I want to say midgets rule! It's wicked to watch them try to get onto the bar stool at the bar. It's like drinking with a little kid but not illegal!

Anyhoo, first you need to know about sorting pickles (ok they're still cucumbers but I'm going to call them pickles). As the pickles come down the conveyor belt, the sorters have to pick out any that are either too big, too small, are crooks, are broken, are moldy, rotten or have been partially eaten by anything. Remember these are straight from the field and that's why we have to look for dead animals.

And pickle that is one or often more than the above defects are put down a special chute, that leads to another conveyor belt that puts them in a bin. These bins are big wooden crates full of bad pickles. Although we "aren't suppose to" (but we get yelled at if we don't do this. Fuck you management) any pickles that are on the ground along with various seasonings that go into brine, dirty and what not, are also put into this bin. Basically the only things that don't go into these bins are aprons, gloves, plastic and glass. But we know glass goes into the bins because it's on the ground.

So these bins then go into cold storage, which means they sit in cold water, frozen until the end of the season since relish is made at the end of pickle season. As you can imagine the pickles are not longer ripe since pickle season lasts about 5-6 months, may be more during a good season. The bins are removed from cold storage and the pickles are re-washed and "sorted".

When sorting pickles for relish, you are only to take out the pickles that are white and/or fuzzy. I was once yelled at because I was taking too many pickles off the line. Now when I say pickles, I use this term lightly for a couple of reasons. 1. They are still cucumbers and 2. They aren't so much pickles as leathery brown pickle skins with liquefied pickle insides. If you pick one up that is still whole and shake it, you can hear the liquid inside.

The sorted "pickles" then get ground up into this brown paste. This paste is hydraulically pumped and to a vat where it is cooked. After the cooking, hoses pump the brown paste into the jars. Brine is added to the jar along with green food colouring I believe. The jars are capped, go through a heat tunnel, labelled, packed and then shipped out.

And that, my friends, is where relish comes from. Junky, rotten pickles that weren't good enough to be turned into pickles. And we have low standards.

[wolf]

Leave it up to me to start a post off talking about midgets/little people. Now do you see Ashe? Now do you see that your overwhelming attraction to me can never manifest into something? It is because of your relish fetish. oh and you apparently being straight.

I have to many food stories. i can tell you how relish and pickles are made, what the processes are in a pig breeding barn and well thats it really.

Eggs are chicken periods and fruit is fertilized plant ovaries. Enjoy

[AHMETxRock]

Make sandwiches. But then experiment with different breads, different cheeses, different types of lettuce, different types of tomato, different types of other things, like different ways to prepare chicken or beef (or god forbid ham)

[Edminster]

Ahmet, I agree wholeheartedly: Ham sucks. Pork is soo much more delicious. For my money though, there's no better sammich than some good ol' tacos al pastor. And for those of you in the peanut gallery saying that tacos aren't sammiches, I just have one thing to say to you:

Fuck off, you dirty filthy communists.

[AHMETxRock]

Tacos are like a sandwich with only one piece of bread. Very strange, but completely relevant. Were you to slive the bottum of the taco then hold it sideways, it would be like a sandwich. It's all perspective man. It's all persective.

[mountainmage]

What about Taco Pie? Is it a pie? Is it a giant sandwich? The world may never know.

[Edminster]

It's a pie. From what I can tell, it's only called Taco Pie because it holds ingredients that are commonly only had in American-style tacos. Real tacos use corn tortillas and shredded meat, none of this pansy ground meat stuff that everybody thinks tacos are made with.

Seriously, you have no idea how thankful I am that there are taquerias within walking distance of my house.

::edit::

For my next experiment, I think I'm going to make a soufflé.

[Kidd]

Hold on, folks. I'm about to win this topic, and perhaps, lose your respect, in one post.

I had made a similar topic on a different message board a few weeks back, after I had began experimenting with food (thanks, THC!). This is what I had created.


The Kidd Filler*

Ingredients:
Bread Slices
Cheese- 6-8 slices
Sandwich meats (Ham, Turkey, Roast Beef, whatever tickles your pickle)
Salsa

Directions:
1- Make a grilled cheese sandwich. I normally use about 6 slices of cheese, only because any more than that takes too long to melt and the bread gets burnt.
2- Place the finished grilled cheese on a plate.
3- On top of the grilled cheese, place about 4-6 slices of your favorite sandwich meat (I usually mix and match ham and turkey, or turkey and roast beef).
4- On top of this sandwich meat, pour some Pace Picante salsa on it. You can pour it like cheap wine, or use it in moderation, your choice.
5- Finally, place a piece of bread on top of this to make a Kidd Filler. Optional: Toast this top piece of bread to follow the other pieces of bread. I prefer it untoasted.



And the beast itself:




Enjoy. I pretty much am in love with this thing.




*- For legal reasons, it is best never to use the phrase "Kidd Filler" around law enforcement officers, parents, or otherwise ethical peoples. You've been warned.

[AHMETxRock]

I have eaten things I don't like. Pretty much, the story is, if you're hungry you'll eat. So when I'm working with my father, we'll get something very cheap that they enjoy and I don't. After a few weeks, I end up liking it. I used to hate peppers, now I don't mind if they're hallowed out and boiled with some ofther sort of food.

Good pigs died to make that picture...

[ruotwocone]

I don't think anything can top my old college staple... the bag-dog. It is the pinnacle of cheap american food. It's a bagel with 2 slices of individually wrapped american cheese style product and a hot dog cut up and put in the middle. Then cook it in a sandwich maker. an instant culinary masterpiece!

[mountainmage]

I think each of us needs to make one of each of these creations (per person, since some made more than one. Pick one of them if you did.) and then rate them. I refuse to participate on moral grounds.

[Edminster]

The souffle was a disaster. I should have known better than to try a recipe because someone else wanted it. Fucking hell, I hate souffle. I spent an hour preparing the fucking thing, and it didn't even cook all the way through! I got this nice crust, but the inside was completely liquid. FUCKING HELL!

Sorry, I am just really pissed off right now. I didn't even want it in the first place! I'm not a goddamn chef, I'm just an amateur cook. Next time someone I know in RL asks me to make something that I have neither the ability, knowledge, or desire to create, I'm punching them in the mouth.