Eye Clawing Horrors

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Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Asherian » Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:33 am

So, as I'm sure I've made clear in numerous post on this forum, I love bad movies.

Okay I should clarify, I don't like shitty college made movies(Though often these can be wonderful joyous things), I mean shlocky tails of horror that even Bruce Campbell(Bless his chin) would be ashamed to be in. Indeed one of my favorite films of all time is a Bruce Campbell movie that (For a long time, I think its changed recently) wasn't even released in the US except as a for television film Assault on Dome 4(I can not describe my glee when he referenced it briefly in My Name is Bruce). Things like Cat People, an 80s classic about incestuous were-panthers. Or "Ozone" aka Street Zombies(the original title changed later due to.. something), a film so bad I've yet to see past the first 2 hours as dvd players ritualistically attempt to destroy themselves on it, but oh those first two hours were a level of mortifying horror I've not found else where.

Indeed this thread is to further such horrors upon your mental fortitude, to share our experiences of things best left forgot with each other and in doing so our pain. So share with us, what are the movies you pull out when you've got someone trapped on your couch for some brain hurting horror? This isn't about movies that are scary intentionally, these are movies that have crossed that verge into lovecraftian lovers going after your ocular sockets.*

*For Ed's sake I'll state for the record this might be a re-post, I honestly can't recall if I've tried to start up this thread before.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby DonRetrasado » Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:41 am

This does sound familiar. But anyway, content:

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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Kovvy » Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:49 am

I love that scene.
That movie really is just... just terrible.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Asherian » Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:55 am

http://www.smbc-comics.com/smbcforum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=2618

Here is the other similar thread that I had -nothing- to do with, so there's probably Another Older thread from me.

Apparently I need to get this movie, it was linked back in the original thread as well.

Look at me! Reading through the forum and linking stuff all through it, like I actually know what I'm doing with this damn post editor.

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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Asherian » Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:20 am

To Edminster's Post

Oh thank you God, I've been trying for over a decade to figure out what the hell movie that was. I saw the end half of it on TV when I was 12, never found out the title, and it has nagged me to this day. Thank You Ed, you've put part of me to rest that knew only sorrow and unfulfillment.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby DonRetrasado » Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:27 am

If I recall there was a little confusion in that thread regarding what constitutes a horrible movie. It was a rather bewildering discussion.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Asherian » Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:30 am

It looks like, which just makes me glad I included such fine examples in my leading post. Also we are talking about a different class of movie.

I'm not saying bad but fun, I'm talking about the things that you wish you could unsee, but lacking that option inflict upon close friends and random internet strangers. Things you get around a TV to watch despite knowing better to hilarity and bonding, ideally with a lot of booze. I would never include such fine films as Die Hard, or Howard the Duck in this realm, though I could accept Buckaroo Bonzai or Howard the Duck though I wouldn't generally count them as so bad.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby DonRetrasado » Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:34 am

I think that whole discussion could've been avoided if he never mentioned Die Hard. I still believe that it is one of the finest movies I have ever seen, and by no criteria awful.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Lethal Interjection » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:42 pm

Congo. I haven't seen it in a very long time, but of all my "worst" movies, this one best resembles what you are talking about.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Kimra » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:46 pm

The Man In the Iron Mask. (DiCaprio) One of the only movies I've ever stopped watching because it was just that bad.

Fair Game. Terrible terrible movie.


These two are movies that were both terrible and I was unwilling to bother wasting my life watching the ends of. Generally I love shit movies. I watched Disneys 'The Ice Princess' last night.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby carbonstealer » Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:57 am

The Time Machine.

Eragon.

Dungeons and Dragons

now that is just average bad.
The Room is just insanely bad

What I am about to add has this line in it...

"I'll need some of your milk" "Why you must be joking, I don't have any milk"
"You just drink this now, and in three days... you'll have plenty of milk"

Black Magic


e: Has any here seen the riff trax for the room? The Room is pretty much an "old as history of the roomies" roomies in joke and the riff trax just made it that much more hilarious
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby smiley_cow » Fri Oct 29, 2010 3:29 pm

Mon Oncle Antoine.

This movie is really highly critically acclaimed, which you think would be a good sign. But the movie has no plot because it's supposed to be artsy, making it boring as hell, and the main focus is the main character going through puberty and thinking/imagining breasts all the time. And of course the way it's treated his all his higher brain power shuts off and women become objects in which breasts happen to be attached. Of course I've never understood why male puberty is so incredibly special anyways.

So yeah really boring and (for me anyways) completely unrelatable.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Lethal Interjection » Fri Oct 29, 2010 8:50 pm

smiley_cow wrote:Mon Oncle Antoine.

This movie is really highly critically acclaimed, which you think would be a good sign. But the movie has no plot because it's supposed to be artsy, making it boring as hell, and the main focus is the main character going through puberty and thinking/imagining breasts all the time. And of course the way it's treated his all his higher brain power shuts off and women become objects in which breasts happen to be attached. Of course I've never understood why male puberty is so incredibly special anyways.

So yeah really boring and (for me anyways) completely unrelatable.


I feel similarly about Mulholland Drive.

Also, I agree about Time Machine. Jeremy Irons is just cringe-worthy, which makes a poor movie unbearable.
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby carbonstealer » Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:30 am

Three quarters of that movie is intro, and the main plot takes 10 minutes. It is just about the most poorly plotted film I have ever seen
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Re: Eye Clawing Horrors

Postby Apocalyptus » Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:40 am



Siblings and I stumbled upon this hilariously bad gem late one night in December about 6 years ago. To this day it is burned into our memories.
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