Tee Hee, Poetry!

[carbonstealer]

I agree, the imagery creates a scene in your head to go along with the words beautifully... you can visualise the poor tortured soul.

[AHMETxRock]

For those of you who either don't have me on facebook or don't fucking care, I've posted a song. I'll also post what was.

I started with the line "Face the guillotine for your diety in a society that lacks piety", and faced several rubuttals. And by several, I mean two people. I typed that line when my head was hurting, but I still think it was a good line. In response to the comments informing me I did not rhyme, and that I made a typo, I wrote this:

Code: Select all

I'm pretty sure Paul would say something like "Language is as language is used" or something to justify what I said.

I seek forgiveness for my impropriety
I didn't know it would cause such anxiety
I just like my rhymes to have some variety... See More
If you declare umbridge I say FIE TO THEE

I thought that the words rhyme but you seem to disagree.
I made a typo in a line for a song, so yeah, murder me.
I know not to turn to this crowd looking for a groupie.
Although a defensive prick is not something I want to be
I hope you'll indulge me as I go on this nonsense spree.

Everything I learned about rap I learned on MTV.
Against my will I listen for what passes as a melody.
Part Siren song, part banshe scream.
Talking about hoes and drugs passing as poetry.

Why does no one act against the monotony?
Why does no one create the next great symphony?
What ever happened to lyrics with meaning?
Where is the talent, and where is the feeling?
I'm dragging, I'm kicking, I'm screaming.
I took a shot, you shot back, this feedback's got me reeling.

I'm truthfully amazed, 
So many have complained.
This lack of praise hints that I shoulda abstained
I thought' I'd jump ship from the vessel of cliches
This boat's capsized cause my rhymes be causing waves.

I thought this was the shit but it seems I was just vain
'Bout to bust an artery, anger seething through you veins.
Raping skillz just ain't something you can eaisly feign.

Maybe I'd have more substance if my substance was cocaine.
I'd spend the night with your good friend Mary Jane
You bring the toasting glasses and I'll get the champaign
Instead of busting rhymes I'll choke your bitches on my chain.

Lyrics so wack you'd go insane!
It's a wack rhyme scheme I seek to sustain.
This ocean of devotion to a rap most mundane
Unlike your love for me this song will never wane...

DUNDUNDUN

CRAAAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!
THESE WOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDDDDDDDDDD THEY WILL NOT HE- What was I sayin?
I gotta admit this rap sure is a pain.
I'm not really sure what it is I have to gain.

[Edminster]

Umbrage, Champagne, Banshee, Easily

The complaints were about poor rhyming and your persistently poor spelling habits, not about content. You can call me a prescriptivist douchebag all you want but at the end of the day seeing words spelt incorrectly does in fact literally make my head hurt so I'm going to call people on it.

[AHMETxRock]

I wouldnt call you douchebag dog that would be absurd.
I'd call you a dick, or bastard, or maybe even turd.
I no spelly welly cuse I fuckig you pet bird
me mommy tol me is gud
I tried, I tried, no child left behind left me spurned.
How much you expect me to have lurned?
Hooo relly cares about arranging ledders in a wurd.

[carbonstealer]

Just to clarify, are you meant to have raping skills or rapping skills?

[Apocalyptus]

On this forum, I think it's best to assume both.

[carbonstealer]

Duly noted. Given the quality of rapping these days, more people are probably gifted with the former

[LordRetard]

Just because a lot of people are into raping doesn't mean they're any good at it.

[AHMETxRock]

Until the majority of people get behind it and as a group redefine what they associate as being good.

[carbonstealer]

The million dollar question - will goodness be defined by the level of un-consent that they manage to achieve?

[Oldrac the Chitinous]

Umbrage, Champagne, Banshee, Easily

The complaints were about poor rhyming and your persistently poor spelling habits, not about content. You can call me a prescriptivist douchebag all you want but at the end of the day seeing words spelt incorrectly does in fact literally make my head hurt so I'm going to call people on it.

I hope that "attacking Ahmet for technical errors every time he attempts to share something creative he's done" isn't going to become a regular thing from you, Edminster.

[AHMETxRock]

It's fine. I gave him permission a while ago not to pussy foot around and give me actual constructive criticism. This was back when I wasn't suffering a relapse of crippling depression and I went on chat every once in a while.

But you guys are totally wrong about the girl I drew. It was at an angle and I did it right. I'll outline it on my tablet later maybe.

[Lethal Interjection]

Rather enjoyed this. By Loudon Wainwright, during one of his BBC Sessions. I couldn't find any record of it online so I actually had to transcribe, so you better enjoy it, jerks.


I wish it was me doing it to you,
It sounds like it would be fun
The walls in this hotel are thin,
I can hear you bein' done.

You sound like a nice intelligent girl,
From the way you gasp and moan.
Perhaps you went to Bennington,
maybe your name is Joan.

I wonder if I could turn the trick ,
and make you make that noise.
Or is your man extra special,
not just one of the boys.

I presume you have a man in there
though I can't hear him at all.
He must be the strong and silent type.
Handsome, dark, not small.

Whoever it is, whatever it is,
it certainly must be good.
And i wish it was me doing it to you,
and I wonder if I could.

[carbonstealer]

Fantasy, self doubt and wonder all at once. Also appreciation of the intelligence of females

[Felstaff]

That sounds like my MO.

Except substituting "appreciating of" with "astonishment at". You must understand; I live in a house of Victorian values, and use semicolons with reckless abandon.