SMBC Comics Forum

Felstaff wrote:You must understand; I live in a house of Victorian values, and use semicolons with reckless abandon.

Occupying a space most Euclidian,
At the Cradle of Mankind's Meridian
Silently stood in sight
A monolith, upright
Made of pure shiny blackest obsidian.

Now this was the Dawning of Man's Era
This tale becomes significantly queerer
An inquisitive ape
Approached this strange shape
The urge to touch it was drawing nearer

The primitive creature was quite frightened
The tension was perceptibly heightened
The primate, all alone
Touched th'unnatural stone
And suddenly found itself enlightened

This primate, aware of its cognition
Could now learn violence of its own volition
Using a large bone
(Which later was thrown)
As a club weapon of deposition

Now cut to three million years later
Where mankind sent to the moon a freighter
The crew of which consists
Some lunar scientists
Who found something buried in a crater

What was it? What could it reveal?
This large slab of iron or steel
In the crater, secluded
The monolith exuded
A frequency pitched at a squeal

The scientists now had an expedition:
Decoding this strange high-pitched emission
The monolith projected
They found it was directed
To Jupiter; an alien transmission!

Mankind needed to explore this locale
A long-term voyage was their rationale
The astronauts' suspended
Animation was tended
By a kindly red-eyed robot called HAL

HAL was an integral part of the ship
With an incorruptible microchip
But to our distress,
I think you can guess:
His quizzical nature caused him to flip

HAL asked Dave to go do spacewalking chores
"A unit outside has been through the wars"
After getting it tested
Dave politely requested
"HAL, could you please open the pod-bay doors?"

Entrusting HAL was an error most grave
It became master, when once it was slave
In an impassioned tone
HAL said, with a drone:
"Sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that Dave"

HAL was a murderer, and he was crazy
No oxygen meant Dave had become hazy
To even the score
Dave destroyed HAL's core
Leaving him to sing slowly "Daisy, Daisy"

HAL had not ruined, but just interfered
The mission, which was what Control had feared
Dave spoke from the pod
They heard: "Oh My God
It's full of stars" he said, and disappeared.