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Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:07 am
by LordRetard
Pale and sickly as a child, I had grown accustomed to carrying my plain, black umbrella no matter where I went. I would even keep my umbrella open indoors, to save my eyes from the windows and artificial lights. My mother took me aside one day and said, "put that thing away, you look like a fucking moron." I, of course, refused this advice. The sun would ruin my sight and my skin, and, moreover, I thought it was fashionable. Certainly no one else I knew was so daring as to carry an umbrella everywhere. One day, it caught a breeze, and I struggled to keep the implement in my hand, worried it might invert and break at any moment, when suddenly the breeze lifted the umbrella into the air, and carried me with it. I was alarmed at first, but as the days went on I began to try it on my own, taking a liking to it. I was the first of all my friends to learn to fly, as far as I knew. From then on, I practiced with my umbrella, soaring to new heights and astonishing the eyes of everyone who looked upon me and my umbrella. One day, I was flying home from school, when it started to rain and thunder. It gave me a fright and I flew as fast as I could, and luckily made it to my destination without being struck by lightning even once. When I opened the door, there was my mother, who said, "your clothes are fucking soaked." I was briefly confused, but finally came to an understanding. This was no ordinary umbrella, in fact it was hardly an umbrella at all; it couldn't even stop the rain. It was some device designed exclusively for flight. I, on the other hand, had no gift for such lofty endeavours; I was, in stark contrast, an ordinary boy who was rather sickly and pale.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:39 am
by Edminster
I like it! Here have some words that floated through my head when I tried in vain to describe it:
turn of the century absurdist Russian transplanted modern

I should probably be sleeping right now!

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:43 am
by LordRetard
I almost bought Lolita the other day.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:49 am
by Sahan
Great stuff! I should point out that you have a typo in your first sentence here and on facebook though.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:52 am
by LordRetard
Actually I was just fixing up another typo, so thanks. I'm having a bit of trouble editing right now (obviously) so tell me if there are any other glaring problems.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 4:31 pm
by FengharTheNord
I like it too!

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:43 pm
by DonRetrasado
So, I've been thinking of stealing this and using it for my first open mic. Thoughts?

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:50 pm
by Edminster
As long as you give credit I see no reason why not.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:40 am
by Lethal Interjection
Edminster wrote:As long as you give credit I see no reason why not.


I don't know how LR would feel about it. You may want to contact him. He's been AWOL since around the time you joined, and no one is quite sure what happened to him. But if you are able to get ahold of him and get his permission, I think it'd be fine.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:15 am
by Edminster
Last I heard LR was joining some weird homosexual line marriage thing, so I think he'd be fine with people having their way with his stuff.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:33 am
by DonRetrasado
Edminster wrote:Last I heard LR was joining some weird homosexual line marriage thing, so I think he'd be fine with people having their way with his stuff.

That DID NOT happen you are full of it!

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 4:09 pm
by Kovvy
I could have sworn he ran off before you even joined the forum, DR.

Re: Me and My Umbrella.

PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2011 12:25 pm
by Kimra
Hey, I hadn't read this before, but I really like it. Shame I can't tell LR. He was a good sort, kind of.