[2011-May-19] Pillow Talk: A Worldwide Based Guide
Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 3:06 am
Comic #2250
Where does your pillow talk fit in that chart?
I'm definitely an empirical absolutist. I quantify the quality of sexual pleasure compared to other sex acts using an equation with a set number of variables:
t = time (total time of sexual intercourse)
f = foreplay desire (how intense was the desire to have sex with a 1 to 10 scale)
i = intensity of orgasm (same 1 to 10 scale used to measure pain but with very awkward faces)
w = work (how hard did I have to work on a 1 to 10 scale)
d = total number of diverse sexual acts performed (doggy style, reverse cowgirl, french connection, etc. on a 1 to 10 scale on number of attacks. Anything greater than 10 is considered still to be a 10)
c = intensity of concentration on the sex (Did you have to think about Margaret Thatcher playing baseball in cold rain to maintain performance?) on a 1 to 10 scale
s = shame (more shame being a 10, less shame being a 1)
n = number of partners (1 to 10, where 1 is just you)
a = attractiveness of sum of partners
sexual pleasure = ((i + f - w + d + c - s + n + a) * t) / 100
So the values for my last session went as follows):
t = 7 minutes
f = 6
i = 6
w = 7
d = 3
c = 6
s = 8
n = 2
a = 7
So..
((6 + 6 - 7 + 3 + 6 - 8 + 2 + 7) * 7) / 100
(15 * 7) / 100
105 / 100
1.05
With a normal range of 0.99 to 1.21 (t-score ), I'm 95% confident that my sexual pleasure was within the normal range.
"Hey baby, that was average. Ohhhh yeaahhhh."
Where does your pillow talk fit in that chart?
I'm definitely an empirical absolutist. I quantify the quality of sexual pleasure compared to other sex acts using an equation with a set number of variables:
t = time (total time of sexual intercourse)
f = foreplay desire (how intense was the desire to have sex with a 1 to 10 scale)
i = intensity of orgasm (same 1 to 10 scale used to measure pain but with very awkward faces)
w = work (how hard did I have to work on a 1 to 10 scale)
d = total number of diverse sexual acts performed (doggy style, reverse cowgirl, french connection, etc. on a 1 to 10 scale on number of attacks. Anything greater than 10 is considered still to be a 10)
c = intensity of concentration on the sex (Did you have to think about Margaret Thatcher playing baseball in cold rain to maintain performance?) on a 1 to 10 scale
s = shame (more shame being a 10, less shame being a 1)
n = number of partners (1 to 10, where 1 is just you)
a = attractiveness of sum of partners
sexual pleasure = ((i + f - w + d + c - s + n + a) * t) / 100
So the values for my last session went as follows):
t = 7 minutes
f = 6
i = 6
w = 7
d = 3
c = 6
s = 8
n = 2
a = 7
So..
((6 + 6 - 7 + 3 + 6 - 8 + 2 + 7) * 7) / 100
(15 * 7) / 100
105 / 100
1.05
With a normal range of 0.99 to 1.21 (t-score ), I'm 95% confident that my sexual pleasure was within the normal range.
"Hey baby, that was average. Ohhhh yeaahhhh."