[2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

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[2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby FlyingButtPliers » Fri Oct 14, 2011 5:13 pm

If the rate of growth over 1 second continues for 276.802 seconds his penis would be bigger than the universe.

So for the math / astronomy majors out there - can we determine the starting size and rate of growth of penis in this comic during the critical first second of the not-so-big bang?

Should we assume the rate of growth was an increase in length or volume?
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Edminster » Fri Oct 14, 2011 5:56 pm

I do not want to calculate the size of a pubescent child's penis and I do not want to associate with anybody who does.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby AHMETxRock » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:10 pm

Uh, the universe isn't that big. I mean, it expands infinitely but has only been around for 2000 years.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Frostbite » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:57 pm

Edminster wrote:I do not want to calculate the size of a pubescent child's penis and I do not want to associate with anybody who does.

Except Ahmet. You associate with him constantly.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby FlyingButtPliers » Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:46 pm

Edminster wrote:I do not want to calculate the size of a pubescent child's penis and I do not want to associate with anybody who does.

Woah... OK - fucked up when you say it like that. I just saw a math problem waiting to be solved. With all the math / science stuff in the comic I thought there would be others who were interested in finding the solution. Feel free to delete the thread if it's offensive.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Kaharz » Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:36 pm

AHMETxRock wrote:Uh, the universe isn't that big. I mean, it expands infinitely but has only been around for 2000 years.


6015 years, give or take a few months. Heretic!


Feel free to delete the thread if it's offensive


I for one think all the threads that could be deemed offensive be deleted from this board.*

*Just to be clear, I mean everything should be deleted.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby GUTCHUCKER » Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:28 pm

Yes, thank you for that footnote, captain obvious.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby ChaoticBrain » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:27 am

Kaharz wrote:
AHMETxRock wrote:Uh, the universe isn't that big. I mean, it expands infinitely but has only been around for 2000 years.


6015 years, give or take a few months. Heretic!


I myself refuse to believe that the universe is older than 23 years, 2 months, 4 days, 14 hours, (checks watch) 33 minutes and some change.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby GUTCHUCKER » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:56 am

ChaoticBrain wrote:
Kaharz wrote:
AHMETxRock wrote:Uh, the universe isn't that big. I mean, it expands infinitely but has only been around for 2000 years.


6015 years, give or take a few months. Heretic!


I myself refuse to believe that the universe is older than 23 years, 2 months, 4 days, 14 hours, (checks watch) 33 minutes and some change.

There's just no evidence for it!
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Kimra » Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:34 am

I am doubtful that you really know what time you were born. Do people do that? Know the time they were born? I have narrowed it down to a 24hr period, but that is as close as it gets.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Sahan » Sat Oct 15, 2011 3:26 am

I was told it was about 4.30 pm that I was conceived, but I'm not sure whether my mum was taking changes in timezone into account when she said that or not.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Willux » Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:46 am

Unless it's accelerating in growth speed, the rate of growth is just under 51 million parsecs per second.

Now for the sake of not sounding like I drive a windowless van, let's assume he maintains this rate for the rest of his life. So as an adult, his erections will also grow at 51 million parsecs per second.

For ease of calculations, let's say as an adult, he is 15 cm long * 12 cm around (about 5.9 in and 4.7 in) for a total volume of 172 cm^3. Now, let's assume the penis is the same density as the human body, about 1.01g/cm^3 (which holds even better since an erect penis is largely filled with blood). This gives us a mass of about 174 g.

Now at that speed, his penis would have a kinetic energy of 4.2*10^45 J, or about 1*10^33 kilotons of TNT. For reference, this is roughly half the energy contained in the sun (using E=MC^2).

This suggest that anybody unfortunate enough to receive even the slightest of taps (0.1 mm of contact in the direction of motion) would not simply achieve escape velocity, but would get to the sun before the guy with the erection even noticed the person had left (and would have passed Proxima Centauri before the guy would have heard their terrified scream).
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Eisbreaker » Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:01 pm

That is complete BS, no one can hear you scream in space.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby Lethal Interjection » Sat Oct 15, 2011 6:59 pm

Kimra wrote:I am doubtful that you really know what time you were born. Do people do that? Know the time they were born? I have narrowed it down to a 24hr period, but that is as close as it gets.

I was born at 10:01pm December 30th, 1982.
There are places that keep this on record. Time of birth, that is.
I'm not sure how many people make it a big deal, but I know this is the case. It does get somewhat of a big deal when it's the first* kid born in a new year or on some other special date** as those are often in the paper.
So I was 26 hrs away from being the first in 1983.

*This is usually only regional, and probably only happens in big cities. It'd be a lot of work for a throwaway story to actually check a large area.
**My friend's kid was a few hours away from being one of these. I don't recall the time, but they were a few hours away from having the first kid of 09/09/09. And they did have a small story/picture in the paper for the first child, I recall.
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Re: [2011-Oct-14] How big is he?

Postby mountaindrew1 » Sat Oct 15, 2011 7:14 pm

Am I the only one confused by the fact that this kid is having his first erection so late? I know my son had his first when he was about 12 hours old, still in the hospital.
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