[2012-Mar-23] Erectus Nocturnus

[Mr. Coffee]

So yeah, I came here to complain about the gravity thing.

Don't do that.

[Sprinkles]

Okay I won't

[ckelly]

Although the weight regarding the gravitational forces on the moon caused by penises is constant, as there is a constant mass of penises on the planet, it does bring up a variety of other questions worth asking:

-How do the new heights of the erect penises affect weight distribution?
-Is there a greater concentration of phalli on one part of the planet than another?
-How does the weight distribution caused by changing phallus heights change as per the rotation of the earth?

These questions have some present, although not necessarily significant implications for the Earth's rotation of inertia, and thus its actual velocities, accelerations, and most importantly--trajectories can be altered as the sun doesn't shine on some parts of the Earth, so to speak. Furthermore, if the location of the center of mass is a factor of radius (as this is derived from the distances between centers of mass), the changing heights can have an impact on the Earth's force on the moon, as per the equation F=(Gm1m2)/r^2 where G is the universal gravitational constant, m1 is the mass of the Earth, m2 is the mass of the moon and r is the orbital radius of the moon around the Earth (equivalent to the distance between the two objects' centers of mass). The phalli themselves would not be exerting this force, as we have morphed them together as a factor of the Earth's properties; instead, their relative influence can be recorded from the difference between the average of the effect during nighttime hours not in the United States and the influence on the moon during these hours in the United States.

For instance, if there are more penises in China than there are in the United States (which does hold true), the force of the erect phalli on the moon during nighttime hours for each region would be greater in China than in the United States, as the uneven weight distribution would decrease the radius between the points of mass. Using China and the United States as a reference point, the effect of American penises on the moon would actually be negative! Of course, instead, we would just find the difference between force exerted by the Earth without accounting for the change in the location of the center of mass and the force with the change, giving us the true gravitational "potency" of these phalli.

Another, more trivial problem arises from the question, however, and that is the definition of nighttime North America. The "peak" of phallic volume (sorry, these are just too easy), as per the graph, is at exactly midnight. Unfortunately, we have no choice but to consult the graph and find the volume of the penises that deviate around one hour from peak, around 90% full volume, and account for this due to time zone differences (we are assuming this is for midnight on the exact middle of the continental United States.)

I'll try to come up with a formula for calculating the new center of mass and hopefully, if my social life is dismal enough, I'll have an answer. Furthermore, it might be interesting to see how the motion of the Earth changes as a result of these wangs. Tentatively speaking, it might be that the Asian stereotype about size might be dwarfed by the fact that the force of Asian penises and their influence on Earth body is greater than that of Americans.

TL;DR: Instead of using a change in mass to determine force exerted, use change in radius via a change in the location of the center of mass.

[DonRetrasado]

yo fuck u

[ckelly]

yo fuck u

But I just wanted to calculate the force of world penises! It's not gay, I swear!

[Bazul]

I have a complaint to issue...

Why the HELL was this not called 'Weiners law'?

[DonRetrasado]

yo fuck u

But I just wanted to calculate the force of world penises! It's not gay, I swear!

AND you're homophobic. Jesus christ, you about won every Obnoxious Person Award.

[dauntless]

yo fuck u

But I just wanted to calculate the force of world penises! It's not gay, I swear!

AND you're homophobic. Jesus christ, you about won every Obnoxious Person Award.

Autodidact pretending to be educated ... check
Homophobic ... check
Stands too close during everyday conversation ... unknown

[GUTCHUCKER]

How many obnoxious person awards do I get from the esteemed senior retrasado?

[DonRetrasado]

You win the "bad at formal events" award for messing up my title and addressing me as a lay-person instead of a don. You may ask yourself, "what is a don?"

[DannyBoy]

Edit:

Oh, and fun fact: To test whether or not a guy has ED because of mental issues, or because his wang actually does not work, a doctor will sometimes order a sleep test. During this test, the technician will wrap electrodes around his dinghy to record the 'change' in the night. If there's no change, then he has honest-to-jeebus ED.


(sorry to double post - not registered = can't edit apparently)

The home version is a ring of perforated paper, like postage stamps.

[GUTCHUCKER]

Nevertheless, you will not find me asking that.

[Dane Raider]

Graph jokes.

Thanks for taking care of that for me, dauntless.

You should register. We should hang.

[ckelly]

Autodidact pretending to be educated ... check
Homophobic ... check
Stands too close during everyday conversation ... unknown

Well I am a high school senior, so your claim to a lack of education isn't too far from reality. Still, my contrived phrasing doesn't take away from the validity of my observation. Since you all have physics PhDs, I'm sure you could whip up the answer in minutes...

[Sprinkles]

I think the main reason we don't care is because