[2019-11-28] Closure

[RecoveringCatholic]

http://smbc-comics.com/comic/closure

Never have really understood this "closure" thing. Something's over when it's over and that's that.

One breakup I had, the ex-partner wanted to spend the next several hours telling me why, when all I wanted to do was leave.

If you don't like me, you don't like me. Fine. Okay, I bore you, we have nothing in common. Point taken. No need to rub it in.

I'll just move on and find someone who does. Or not.

As if it matters.

[cat <<^@]

I understand where you're coming from, I really do, but I just feel it would be better if we discuss it... I mean... can't we just talk it over? So it is all over and done with? I feel like there is something missing... something still to be said... I mean, don't you want some closure to this?

[hmijail]

the ex-partner wanted to spend the next several hours telling me why, when all I wanted to do was leave.

Maybe they wanted to tell you something they thought might be helpful? Did you think it couldn't be, or did you not care anyway?

I mean, I have been both in closed and unclosed situations, so I understand both. Sometimes you see it coming and are ready(er?) to move on: others it's a sucker punch that requires mourning, and getting to understand what just happened can help a lot.

How much of the wanting to understand makes actual sense, or is an excuse to wallow, or denial, or just a waiting beat while actually letting it seep that the newly-exed was actually just trash, could be debated.

[Rat]

(...) did you not care anyway?

Your partner not caring about what you want is an excellent reason to break up. Ironic, though, that it would be a desire for closure that triggered the whole thing.

[RecoveringCatholic]

Maybe they wanted to tell you something they thought might be helpful? Did you think it couldn't be, or did you not care anyway?

Actually, I think it was just a form of ritual.

Sort of like an "exit interview" at a job, which I've had to put up with. (It's simple, HR scowling person. I'm going somewhere else that pays more money and has more interesting things for me to do, why must we spend 45 minute ticking your stupid boxes?)

By coincidence, I was listening to a program on our local NPR station (https://wamu.org/story/19/11/28/why-families-break-up-rebroadcast/) about "estranged" families (no, not strange families -- that's all of them) and was struck by the incredible amount of psychobabble jargon and ritualization involved.