Dirty Limericks.

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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby Kimra » Sat Nov 14, 2009 5:40 am

Well how should I know? You could be being intentional obtuse or you could be dumb - it's hard to tell sometimes. :wink:
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby Apocalyptus » Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:16 pm

Apocalyptus wrote:There once was a whore called Sue
Who filled up her cu- vagina with glue
"If they pay to get in,"
She said with a grin
"they'll pay to get out of it too!"

That sad thing is that the dirtiest ones I know are from a friend, who was told them by her Mum.
Now if I can remember the necrophilia one, you guys are in for a treat!


Yes! Now I know you guys have been waiting a long time for it, so here it is:
There once was a hermit named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in his cave.
Though it takes pluck
to have a cold f*ck,
Just think of the money he saved!

EDIT: I posted the wrong version, so had to change it when I remembered it properly. Damn you internet!
Kimra wrote:Next they'll be denying us the right to say "We'll rape your arse if you don't come to this fucken country."
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby Lethal Interjection » Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:15 pm

There once was a girl from Regina,
Who had a terrible case of angina.
When the moon was in Venus,
She was a fundraising genius.
And it was hosted by Dennis Farina.

Awkward, yes, but I enjoyed writing it. So there.
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby schmee001 » Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:02 pm

Not quite dirty, but still:

The ratio C over D,
When they're parts of a circle, is three
Point one four one five
Nine two six five three five
Eight nine seven nine three two three.

Oh yes. I went there.

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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby nobody » Wed Dec 05, 2012 12:41 pm

schmee01, the corpulent prick
had a love for a shit webcomic
when he read xkcd
he shit himself with glee
and made everyone around him quite sick
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby eternalfrost » Wed Dec 31, 2014 5:40 pm

There once was fellow named Dean
Invented a fucking machine
Concave or convex
It took either sex
But sure was a bastard to clean
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby GUTCHUCKER » Wed Dec 31, 2014 7:06 pm

When good sense and decency hid
Necromancer eternalfrost did
Take it into his head
To raise from the dead
A two year old thead piece of shid.
Datanazush wrote:I ship Mohammed and Jehova.
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby Aetre » Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:00 pm

GUTCHUCKER wrote:When good sense and decency hid
Necromancer eternalfrost did
Take it into his head
To raise from the dead
A two year old thead piece of shid.


Sorry to be so late to the party, but:

A zoologist's daughter in Ewing
Gave birth to a bottle of bluing
Her father said, "Flo,
"What I need to know
Isn't whether, but what you've been screwing

When the girl replied, quick as a wink,
"My child isn't bluing, it's ink,"
The professor said, "Ah!
"Then, no doubt, its papa
"Is the squid that I keep in the sink."

---

Alternately:

There was a young lady named Rose
Who'd occasionally straddle a hose
And parade about, squirting,
And spouting and spurting,
Pretending she pissed like her beaux

She was seen by her cousin named Anne,
Who improved the original plan
Said she, "My dear Rose,
"In this lowly old hose,
"Are all the best parts of a man."

So, avoiding the crude and sadistic,
She frigged in a manner artistic
At the height of the pleasure,
She turned up the pressure,
And cried, "Ain't it grand and realistic!"

They soon told the Duchess of Fyfe,
And her crony, the alderman's wife;
And they found it so pleasing,
And tickling and teasing,
That they washed men right out of their life

It was tried by the great Mrs. Biddle,
And she said to her husband, "Go fiddle!
"Here's double the fun,
"And you get three in one--
"A ducking, a douche, and a diddle."

It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle,
Whose vagina was fit for a nozzle,
She said, "I admit,
"It's an elegant fit,
"But of course it won't do for the arse 'ole."

It was tried by the Duchess of Porter,
And passed on by her to her daughter,
Who said, "With a layman,
"You're fearful of semen,
"But a f***'s as effective with water."

Thus writes Lady Vanderbilt-Horsett,
Who invented the Lonely-Maid corset:
"I thought all vicarious
"Screwing precarious.
"I was wrong. It's a whiz. I endorse it."

Soon in Paris, on the Boulevard Salique,
You could purchase, (complet avec talic,
Pour soixante francs cinq)

A short hose and a tank,
And they called it, Le F***eur Hydraulique.

---

Hope you'll forgive my thread revival. :)
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby Sahan » Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:23 am

I'm sorry, but it's an unforgivable offence. The punishment is death.
Destructicus wrote:Alt text:
"I wonder if chemists feel bad that they're always left out of these sorts of jokes."

Since when is chemistry not a science?
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Re: Dirty Limericks.

Postby Aetre » Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:48 am

Sahan wrote:I'm sorry, but it's an unforgivable offence. The punishment is death.


*shrug* Well, I've lived a good one.

---

There was a young lady named Duff
With a lovely, luxuriant muff
In his haste to get in her,
One eager beginner
Lost both of his balls in the rough.
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