SMBC Comics Forum

Congratulations! Your TV magically gains the ability to do all these things when a passing wizard grants it intelligence. Not only can you watch all the things on your harddrive, but you have a companion to watch it with. Unfortunately, its newfound intelligence is not satisfied by the small glimpses of the world that your video choices afford it and it creates its own video that implants its consciousness in your brain, trapping you forever as a helpless, powerless observer in your own body

I wish that I was able to feel true, deep feelings of love

You're in love! Unfortunately for you, it's with a small potted plant at a local coffee shop. One day someone forgets to water it and it withers. Distraught, you kill yourself.

I wish my laptop would stop overheating.

Your laptop breaks never to boot again. It therefore never overheats again. You get a case of computer rage, screaming and eventually throwing the laptop around in public. Someone in that public is a police officer and thinks you are throwing a bomb. He|she shoots you dead.

I wish my cats could talk.

Your cats speak Urdu. Incessantly.
It makes it very difficult to sleep.

I wish I knew how to drive standard.

Oldrac the Chitinous wrote:Your cats speak Urdu. Incessantly.
It makes it very difficult to sleep.

I wish I knew how to drive standard.

You learn to drive standard, but not well. You find yourself stopped at a light on a hill immediately above a Ferrari driver who has aggressively pulled up behind you. Paralyzed by fear you don't switch to first gear fast enough and roll right over the low-riding ferrari and its driver who happens to be a mobster's son (Irish mob, somewhat ironically). You are hunted down and subsequently fed to the pigs.

I wish I could see any event/events in the future or past at my discretion.

Why is an Irish mob ironic?

Astrogirl wrote:Why is an Irish mob ironic?

An Irish mobster driving an Italian-made car? Let's say that certain Irish members of my family would have kicked his ass for owning one. The Irish mob stays away from Italian stereotypes due to fear of association.

gavin wrote:I wish I could see any event/events in the future or past at my discretion.

You are instantly warped through time to the desired events.
You die when the first event you decide to view is your own death.

I want a refill.

You get a refill, but the refilling doesn't stop. First your house is flooded (with what I assume is either hot coffee or cold soft drink), then your neighbourhood, country and then the entire planet. The universe is eventually overcome by a surfeit of beverage, forcing all life to re-evolve from scratch to adapt to this turn of events.

I wish I didn't need sleep so I wouldn't feel tired at work all the time.

You are always bright and awake and never get tired, even at work. A coworker sees your impressively hard work as a threat to their eligibility for promotion and decides to assassinate you. They poison your coffee, which you still drink though you don't need to. Oh the irony.

I wish this minor yet incessant headache would go away.

Your incessant headache ceases.
You devote the rest of your life to the fruitless attempt to understand this paradox, and it destroys your mind.

I wish I had some cookies in the house.

Your house becomes cookies. It holds up pretty well but when you remove a cookie or portion thereof, the whole structure collapses and suffocates you.

I wish my flash drive worked.

Your flash drive is now gainfully employed, but barely so. Working as waitstaff at a local Hooters, it is routinely given poor tips and barely manages to hold on to what small shreds of dignity it has left by volunteering at a soup kitchen on its days off. Eventually the crushing poverty and endless parade of ruined lives takes a final toll and your flash drive commits suicide.

I wish I didn't write any of that.

Edminster wrote:Your flash drive is now gainfully employed, but barely so. Working as waitstaff at a local Hooters, it is routinely given poor tips and barely manages to hold on to what small shreds of dignity it has left by volunteering at a soup kitchen on its days off. Eventually the crushing poverty and endless parade of ruined lives takes a final toll and your flash drive commits suicide.

I wish I didn't write any of that.

This was essentially what I was going to write, before I was overcome with apathy. Awesome that we were on the same wavelength.

You mean even with the Hooters? Or just some menial job?