Cancer Jokes

Everything else.

Moderator: GreenCrayon

Cancer Jokes

Postby ruotwocone » Tue Aug 02, 2011 4:26 pm

Alright. So my wife has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that's spread to her lungs and liver. It's bad. Like she probably won't make it bad (although we're still optimistic. She's younger than most colon cancer patients -28 years old- and she's tough as nails so there's that). To add to the suckiness, we have an 11 month old daughter at home who may never really know her momma. On the plus side, we've had awesome support from friends and family, and that has made a HUGE difference.

Anyway, this is what I need you guys for. This forum is full of the miscreants of society. If anyone can come up with some awesome cancer jokes it's you guys. So get to work! Your official unofficial new new old mayor of The Outlands commands it!
User avatar
ruotwocone
sock-puppet of the infinite
 
Posts: 1929
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2006 6:58 pm
Location: true... wait, false!

Re: Cancer Jokes

Postby Edminster » Tue Aug 02, 2011 10:58 pm

From the first page of google results, here are the few I found funny:


What's the difference between a skinhead and a cancer victim?
The skinhead's not going to die from a horrible, incurable disease.


What's the difference between a cancer victim and someone with AIDS?
You won't get sick from shagging a cancer victim.


How many cancer victims does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they're too weak to climb the ladder.


Why did the cancer victim cross the road?
She was hoping to get hit by a truck


As an aside, if she gets a partial colonectomy you're contractually obligated to call her ; as much as possible.
ol qwerty bastard wrote:bitcoin is backed by math, and math is intrinsically perfect and logically consistent always

gödel stop spreading fud
User avatar
Edminster
Tested positive for Space-AIDS
 
Posts: 8849
Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2005 9:53 pm
Location: Internet

Re: Cancer Jokes

Postby GUTCHUCKER » Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:29 pm

What did the blind, limbless orphan get for christmas? Cancer.
Datanazush wrote:I ship Mohammed and Jehova.
User avatar
GUTCHUCKER
Gotchucker's less handsome twin
 
Posts: 2126
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:26 am
Location: Paradise City?

Re: Cancer Jokes

Postby DonRetrasado » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:56 am

Here are a couple of classics from the SMBC archive:
Image
Image
PS. I've discovered an algorithm for finding every funny SMBC comic. God bless.
Edminster wrote:What's the difference between a cancer victim and someone with AIDS?
You won't get sick from shagging a cancer victim.

Learn something new every day.
Astrogirl wrote:Lethal, nobody wants to know about your herpes.

Lethal Interjection wrote:That's good to know. I can avoid a few awkward phone calls now.
User avatar
DonRetrasado
los más retrasadadados
 
Posts: 2845
Joined: Tue Aug 31, 2010 6:27 am
Location: ¡Canada!

Re: Cancer Jokes

Postby carbonstealer » Wed Aug 03, 2011 10:55 pm

Although not necessarily true. Some cancers can be triggered by viruses such as HPV.

I have no jokes about cancer, but I can quote JD "if that tumour gets any bigger, its going to be a threemour"
Apocalyptus wrote: Nothing can beat the image of mouth muffling breast implants.
User avatar
carbonstealer
Australia Apologist
 
Posts: 1974
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2010 7:47 am
Location: Down under

Re: Cancer Jokes

Postby ruotwocone » Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:59 pm

Edminster wrote:What's the difference between a skinhead and a cancer victim?
The skinhead's not going to die from a horrible, incurable disease.

this
User avatar
ruotwocone
sock-puppet of the infinite
 
Posts: 1929
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2006 6:58 pm
Location: true... wait, false!

Re: Cancer Jokes

Postby Felstaff » Mon Aug 08, 2011 2:22 pm

"Knock! Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"The Interrupting Doctor"
"The Inter--"
"you've got cancer"
255 characters of free advertising space? I'm selling these line feather jackets...
User avatar
Felstaff
XKCD spy
 
Posts: 785
Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:37 pm

Re: Cancer Jokes

Postby zomgmouse » Fri Aug 12, 2011 12:28 am

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Getting cancer.
Better chocolate than choconever.
User avatar
zomgmouse
ss No More!
 
Posts: 862
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:38 pm
Location: Melbourne, Australia


Return to General

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests