SURPRISE

[Simon.]

ON THE MORN OF SUNDAY, HE TRICKS THEM ALL.

CRAZE AND JAYDEE, ANSWER, OR YE SHALL BE DIED.

Q-

A man approaches you in a dark alley, he has visible breasts under his coat, but is quite thin otherwise, and he is wearing clown-esque pants that could be hiding any number of non-chewing gum items. He offers you some gum. In one hand you have the first laptop ever built, in the other, you have a beef salad, you have nothing else secreted on your person. The man makes no other attempt at communication other than to continue offering you gum like a broken record. Behind you, there is a dead end, there are no doors leading out of the alley, just the man standing between you and the exit.

How do you proceed?

(PM your answers to Mountainmage, who will JUDGE YOU LIKE THE SCUM YOU ARE).

[mountainmage]

Lets get it on!

[cheez.wiz]

Lets get it on!

Fits well with a 599th post in my opinion.

[TwoBuy]

(PM your answers to Mountainmage, who will JUDGE YOU LIKE THE SCUM YOU ARE).

Mountainmage, make sure to post their responses and your scores for them after you get an answer from BOTH contestants.

[mountainmage]

------------------Jaydee's Response:

As I stand in shock in this mans presence I can't help but feel a sadness deep inside. It is quite clear this man is homeless and whilst being thin, has a large bust. With my luck of being a WOMAN I notice that as well as being extraordinarily thin his cup size would have to be quite large, due to me being able to see his breastesses through this thick coat. With a quick guess I quickly hush the abrasive man with a soothing ?Shh?. I place one hand on his face and feel his cold face. With the other, I remove my bra. ?I am a 10 DD just like you??
With that simple sentence the man is silent. He cries. ?It?s so hard to do this?? I can feel his pain. I hand him my 10DD bra and he places it quickly onto his man cans over the top of his coat, he promptly feels support. A support he?s never felt before, after being kicked out of home at the age of eleven and having his beloved pet dog ?Chewy? die just recently, he had something to lift not only his breasts but also his spirits. As he weeps on the ground feeling his chest I can?t help but feel close to God-like. But then abruptly I realize? I AM LATE! I need to be at a very important business meeting! Well? to be honest it?s an AA meeting and to be honest? I?ve bumped into this homeless man with boobs just outside of my favourite drinking hole. To be honest, my breath reeks of Bourbon. I quickly give the man the smallest note from my purse, $5. I take a piece of gum from the man who is crumpled in a heap before me and I promptly step around him whilst shoving a piece of freshening gum into my alcohol soaked mouth.
As I trip over the man and step back onto the footpath, in the moonlight. The breasted, homeless, gum selling, man looks up at my silhouette and says:

?Keep fighting. For I am the tomorrow and you are the yesterday. Beyond time is life. But before life is most certainly death.?

I nod my head and proceed to my AA meeting.
What a fucking shit night.

--------------Craze's response
I immediately step forward and smash the beef salad into his face and simultaneously do an underarm swing with the laptop (which has to be pretty damn heavy, being the first laptop) up into his crotch. Hopefully if this freak has male genitalia this it will temporarily incapacitate him/her/it, but a nice whack to the vage hurts as well. To make this interesting, before they collapse i'll grab both of those visible breasts' nipples and twist'em like a hurricane across Kansas. By this time the beef salad should've fallen down, so i'll help'em finish their meal with a knuckle sandwich (har har), grab onto those trousers, trip the freak and pull/rip as i run past them so that (with a little sewing) i got a new pair of clown pants out of the deal. Before I leave i'll look to see if there was any gum in those pants, and if there was i'll take it and chew, blowing bubbles as i exit the alley...

Jaydee's was compassionate and thought-provoking.
Craze beat the shit out of a possibly transexual hobo.*

I declare Craze the winner.


*lol, bumfights.

[Simon.]

Jaydee's was compassionate and thought-provoking.
Craze beat the shit out of a possibly transexual hobo.*

I declare Craze the winner.

Well yes, but what score did they get? 3 for good, 1 for ok, and 0 for crap were the possibilities I think. 2 could be used as well for an intermediate score. Actually should we make it a 5-1 scale of great to crap? 3, 1, and 0 is a strange one.

Anyway we need scoring methods to go over the time of the competition.

In other news, another question will be up when I get home. Prepare!*

*For the coo of the century! Prepare for sensational news! A shining new era, is tiptoeing nearer**...
**But where do we feature?***
***Just listen to teacher.

[ruotwocone]

the scores were 3, 1, and 0 for a reason. if you change them now, you'll screw up the line. also, yes we are not looking for a winner for each question, but simply a score. If both warrant a 3, then give them both a 3, if both suck balls, give them both a 0. I did enjoy having Jaydee's first as it really put you in a somber mood before craze showed up with the bumfights. An interesting and hilarious dichotomy to be sure. I think craze's wouldn't have been nearly as funny without reading jaydees immediately before hand, but that's just me.

[Simon.]

the scores were 3, 1, and 0 for a reason. if you change them now, you'll screw up the line.

What's the reason? Is it something to do with the betting thing? The only gambling I do is at tables at the casino. And even then very infrequently. Also I agree with your assessment there, Jaydee's was good, and it set up Craze's nicely, making it seem that bit funnier. A bit "I KILL HIM WITH VIOLENCE" for me. I liked the gum blowing as he exits the alley though.

[ruotwocone]

indeed, the gambling. if you change the scoring then the odds that we're betting on would change, and all the bets would get screwed up. We can consider a scoring change if this sort of thing becomes more regular though. Also remember mountainmage to score it low as i'm taking the under.

Also, screw you twobuy/house. point shaving is a victimless crime

[mountainmage]

there's a scoring system? nobody tells me nuthin.

I award both people a 3 then.

[geewj]

I'd say Jaydee's was pretty entertaining, and I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk and late for my AA meeting.
Craze took care of business, and got the loot.


First Prize! (holds reference to nothing) .




And though I'm not involved in this battle of sorts, I did have a short response to the question...

I'd take the mans gum only in exchange for some of my beef salad*.
Then with my free hand I'd search for directions around the man using the fist laptop ever built**.
While exiting using the suggested route, I'd make a passing comment to the man on the comfy look of his pants, and speak of searching for a similar pair as I walk though the door, now half full of the remaining beef salad****.

*To be polite
**Dated back to BC***
***Before Christians
****Which was delicious

[ruotwocone]

there's a scoring system? nobody tells me nuthin.

I award both people a 3 then.

you and your lenient judging. how am i supposed to win the under bet if you award everything a 3?

[Craze]

Hah, well Jaydee's was pretty durn interesting; I wasn't sure about how much leeway we got with the actions of the hobo or the gum (i was half expecting someone to declare, "Oh yeah, the gum was POISONED, you chewed it so you lose, har har.") so that's why i just plowed right through (also because I have a very violent imagination...*grinz*).

[TwoBuy]

I can't stop laughing at Crazes response.

Hah, well Jaydee's was pretty durn interesting

Damn! There at it again. This is gunna be a blood feud by the time we're done with it!


And on the scoring, it's
3 points for a GREAT answer
1 point for a good answer
0 points for an ok/bad/no answer

The idea is to reward superbness with that something extra (which is why there isn't a 2-point award).