The Heterosexual Questionnaire.

[astasia]

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?
6. Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommate(s) know? How did they react?
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep quiet?
8. Why do heterosexuals put so much emphasis on sex?
9. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?
12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?
14. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, elusive heterosexuality?
15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you feel s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems that s/he would face?

(By M. Rochlin)

[Kimra]

Watched 'Milk' two days ago. This is what your questionnaire brings to mind (especially with the teacher questions).

p.s. do you want us to answer these questions or is it just a political statement? Either way it makes a valid point.

[astasia]

Watched 'Milk' two days ago. This is what your questionnaire brings to mind (especially with the teacher questions).

p.s. do you want us to answer these questions or is it just a political statement? Either way it makes a valid point.

You don't need to; it's largely rhetorical. It is meant to make people consider the questions they ask of those who are gay - and how offensive and ludicrous they sound when asked in reverse.

The teacher issue is close to my heart, for obvious reasons.

[mountainmage]

I think I can tell that they're rhetorical by just reading them, heh.

[astasia]

I think I can tell that they're rhetorical by just reading them, heh.

Except, if you were gay/lesbian/bisexual, people would ask you these questions as if they were legitimate, and expect you to answer.

[mountainmage]

I realized the irony as well.

[Edminster]

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep quiet?

This one. For both sides.Fuck off, Pride Parades, and die in a fire, protesters. Life isn't about who you bang, it's about how you live it.

[LordRetard]

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
I have no idea. It may be that I have simply repressed this memory.

2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
I believe I first started to notice my attraction to the opposite sex when I was 12, starting middle school. Aside from that I don't recall any particular instance when I decided "yes, I am a heterosexual".

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
It's possible. I'm no time traveler.

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
That's also possible. I often become uncomfortable when people of the same sex approach too closely.

5. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?
Still a virgin, so I'll skip this one.

6. Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommate(s) know? How did they react?
It passed with relatively little incidence, although I still get the feeling that other people think that I am homosexual and simply acting out for attention. In the end, though, it doesn't really matter.

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep quiet?
I genuinely try to, although sometimes an off-colour comment just slips out. Can't be helped.

8. Why do heterosexuals put so much emphasis on sex?
I've never noticed it before, but I'll take your word for it. It seems as if everyone has a constant focus on sex. On the one hand there is a reproductive drive, due to supposed "survival of the fittest" (although an unpopular term for this) that means that an animal that wants to reproduce is more likely to reproduce. And on the other, there does seem to be some sort of cultural meaning toward sex that may be separate from this. These issues set forth many questions that I cannot answer properly within the context of this questionnaire.

9. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
There does seem to some allure about being able to convince a lesbian or gay to "change teams", as it were... My theory is that it represents some sort of sexual conquest, or that one is so persuasive or sexually attractive that they are irresistible to everyone... Or perhaps they genuinely think it'd be better for them (for religious reasons, for instance), or maybe they're selfish and their interest in the individual stretches only to the individual. To be particularly crass, though- a lot of people have a lot of crazy fetishes.

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
I think that the safety of our children is always a major issue. Heterosexual teachers should be screened thoroughly before being employed, and there should be a no-tolerance policy toward any signs of sexual harrassment or molestation in our teachers. All the same, to screen them simply because they are heterosexual may be considered to be biased against heterosexuals becoming teachers, or may be criticised for ignoring the possibility of homosexual molestors becoming teachers (of which an incidence exists that should not be outright ignored). Therefore, any screening process should not be seen to lean favourably towards homosexuals in any way.

11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?
The particular details of their behaviour I will decline to mention, since there is surely some text in the public domain on the matter. The question comes from a philosophical position, but in fact the answer is biological; it appears that men and women are programmed in some way to be attracted to each other and to be able to please each other. This goes back to the previously mentioned "survival of the fittest" theory, where it becomes apparent that if an animal wants to reproduce, it will reproduce.

12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
There are many theories on the subject. I will attempt to mention a few. The first is the supposed weakening of the cultural importance of marriage, which goes further into explanations about the devaluing of religion in modern life as well as some suggestions that the acceptance of homosexual relationships may be leading to increased rates of divorce and the weakening of religious tradition; however, this is most likely simple moral panic and seems unlikely to me, in all of its facets. A very entertaining theory is that it may be due to increasing life expectancies, but this, in a similar way, depends upon its particular colourful nature for its support. The most likely reason is that a man and a woman are no longer dependent on each other and the marriage for economic and social reasons, as well as the (related) increase in the number of "love marriages". Many theorists suggest that marriage lacked the connotations and, and was most likely for the purpose of economic reasons and reproduction (since a larger family means more workers; whereas most people do not work in a trade with the advent of industrial society, and having children is no longer economical).

13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?
There is definitely a risk; for that reason, women should be properly educated to ensure that they behave in a cautious manner and do not make decisions that they may regret. I believe tha proper education is critical to our society and our children's safety.

14. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, elusive heterosexuality?
Indeed, given my status and only being "x" in my life, it may be said by some that I may not experience everything that I "need" to experience (assuming that there is such a need). Some people have called me close-minded; however, suffice to say, it does not bother me.

15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
The menace of overpopulation is an illusion. In the case of overpopulation, resources become scarce, which in turn causes the population to curb until it reaches a more manageable number. This is the prevailing theory at the moment.

16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you feel s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
Of course there is that fear, but I believe that is due to my own general distrust of therapists; and furthermore, one must always keep in mind that it is very difficult to change someone who refuses to change, and that it is very difficult to force someone to change. The power of suggestion, hypnosis and related phenomena is something of a myth.

17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
Happiness is not entirely dependent on sexual orientation, and depression may stem from other issues. More personally, I am not interested in changing and am quite happy with my lifestyle at the moment.

18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems that s/he would face?
I am not considering children at this juncture.




I could say a lot of things about what I just did, but more importantly I had a lot of fun answering these questions. It's like running into missionaries; I just have to hear what they want to say!

[Sahan]

I like to listen to missionaries too, and then laugh at them or ask them difficult questions that would hopefully make them question the validity of their beliefs. I sometimes I would get more opportunities to do so.

[LordRetard]

Really? I don't want to make fun of them. I like to listen to them and hear their opinions. I dunno. Maybe that's different. I like hearing about what different people think and believe.

[Cirtur]

Sometimes I like to learn more, and perhaps their way of thinking is better than mine and should be incorporated into my own world view. Of course sometimes, being facetious is way more fun.

[freako104]

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep quiet?

This one. For both sides.Fuck off, Pride Parades, and die in a fire, protesters. Life isn't about who you bang, it's about how you live it.

I do agree but I would say I take pride in being straight in that is who I am. I feel homosexuals and bi sexuals and asexuals should too as it is who they are as a person.

[Cirtur]

Astasia, did you write this quiz or just adapt a homosexual one?

[Rainbow]

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
N/A
2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
N/A
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
N/A
4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
N/A
5. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?
N/A
6. Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommate(s) know? How did they react?
N/A
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep quiet?
N/A
8. Why do heterosexuals put so much emphasis on sex?
They are dirty, unholy people forsaken by God.
9. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
Heterosexuals are starved, angry people that hate themselves and others. These sadistic individuals to not want to seek help but to convert good homosexuals to their ways.
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
I care about the children and we just can't let this go on. We must ban heterosexuals from working in schools and with children. The crimes of these heterosexuals are sickening and this must mean absolutely all of them secretly want to sodomize babies.
11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?
Heterosexuals have developed several ways to have intercourse including anal, oral, and vaginal intercourse, each more sickening than the last. Vaginal intercourse involves painful stabbing of the genitals as they forced together. Neither party enjoys this intercourse, but it is performed for sexual deviance and to anger God and good people. Heterosexuals also have many more sicks fetishists than homosexuals proportionally.
12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
Heterosexuals are unnatural and even those who insist that they are attracted to the opposite sex cannot stay in a straight relationship. Heterosexual deviance leaves heterosexuals with feelings of deep regret and pressure from society to stop their unholy acts and many heterosexuals have had their sexuality corrected to be homosexual later in life.
13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?
Heterosexuals have a history of STDs and research has shown that 100% of pregnancies occur by heterosexual sex. It is clear that all heterosexuals are at an increased risk of babies and STDs as punishment from God.
14. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, elusive heterosexuality?
When a person decides to be heterosexual, he or she is probably too far gone. Heterosexuals cannot function as normal members of society while they continue their disturbing behaviors and are lost in the eyes of God.
15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
No. The sheer idea is horrifying.
16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you feel s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings? Heterosexuals are known to pressure healthy homosexuals to become straight, and this only worsens in a therapist/patient relationship. All heterosexual therapists do not want to help others, but to have straight sex with them. It is recommended that one personally screens his or her therapist to make he or she does not have a history of heterosexuality.
17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
N/A
18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems that s/he would face?
The idea that anyone could support such behavior, especially in a child, is simply awful.

(By M. Rochlin)

[astasia]

Astasia, did you write this quiz or just adapt a homosexual one?

Neither.

It is by M. Rochlin.