Fred the Dangerous

Symposium Mandated Bibliognostic 'Cyclopedia
Post Reply
User avatar
Oldrac the Chitinous
Chicken O' the Sea
Posts: 3477
Joined: Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:41 pm
Location: The Perfect Stillness of the Deep
Contact:

Fred the Dangerous

Post by Oldrac the Chitinous »

We are rate dangerous. Gonna be dangerous in your face!

-Fred the Dangerous, on being dangerous.
Fyodor Nesterenko (Later Fred the Dangerous; 5 September 2056 - 24 November 2085) was a celebrated extreme athelete, guitarist, activist, and vigilante. He is remembered for his role in the band Heiligenscwhein, and for his continuing campaign against organized crime.

Fyodor Nesterenko was born to SMB City actuaries Roman and Tatiana Nesterenko. From an early age, he showed a taste and an aptitude for extreme sports and rock music which his parents, an anesthesiologist and an actuary, did not share. By age 10, he had set records for his age group in Meatspace Motocross, nanojumping, and kayaking, and was on his way to becoming an accomplished electric guitarist. At 15, he invented bungee-fishing, a sport in which participants jumped from a high bridge and attempted to grab salmon out of the river below. (This sport was subsequently banned due to safety concerns.) The following year, Nesterenko left home to work as a roadie for the double-punk band Beached Kraken, under whom he continued his guitar studies.

While on the road, Fyodor participated in whatever sporting events he could find in the area. On one occasion at skateboarding tourney, he was disqualified for performing a nosegrind over the judges, and permanently blacklisted by the Extreme League. Rather than quitting, Nesterenko began to participate under the assumed name, "Fred the Dangerous," an alias which he maintained in his subsequent musical and crime-fighting careers.

In 2076, he left Beached Kraken with two fellow roadies Peter Hartney and Yasmin Demir, both of whom shared his passion for extreme sports, to found the band Heiligenschwein. The band enjoyed sensational success during its five-year run. Their popularity was perhaps as much due to the stunts the members perfomed, including Fred's signature "Reverse Nero," a ninety-second solo played on a flaming guitar, as they were for the music. Their legacy also includes such #1 singles "Napalm Smoothies", "Defenestration Station" and "That Does It (Now Everybody Dies)"

Heiligenschwein was also known for its activism, particularly in opposing organized crime. This made the group some powerful enemies, most notably <<Vinnie "the Google" Mascarpone>>. On 28 July, 2079, an unidentified informant brought the band information about a substantial money-laundering operation belonging to Mascarpone. In response, Heiligenschwein relocated a concert schedule for that night to the location the informant provided. The show drew well over 10,000 fans, many of whom would later give important testimony against the money-launderers.

In retaliation, Mascarpone made plans to abduct the band at their homecoming concert at SMB City on New Year's eve of 2079. The concert, "Heiligenschwein at 10,000 Feet," was to end with the band, their equipment, and their entire audience being dropped from planes and parachuting to the ground while the band played their final song. Mascarpone positioned an open-top container truck at the designated landing spot, capturing all three musicians. Fred the Dangerous and Dangerous Pete were both severely beaten; Pete died of testicular hemorrhaging two days later. Yasmin, meanwhile, was framed as the originator of the plot and imprisoned.

Now without his band, Fred the Dangerous decided that he needed to take extreme measures to bring Mascarpone to justice, and he vowed to personally take down the crime lord. For two years, he parasailed, jetpacked, and snowboarded at least a dozen of Mascarpone's top-ranking lieutenants into jail. Finally, on 11 March, 2082, he hang glided over the Mascarpone estate wall, punched out a doberman, crashed two lurking Spam-bots, and hoverbiked up the stairs to Vinnie the Google's study. Then he ramped his bike off of the crime boss's head, and drove through a third-story plate-glass window into a waiting kayak.

Although his personal nemesis was defeated, Fred continued his career of vigilantism for the rest of his life, and SMB City experienced its lowest rate of crime in decades. On 24 November, 2089, while riding the last surviving male Black Rhino to safety away from an exploding zoo, Fred the Dangerous slipped as the animal jumped a gorge, and fell to his death. Shortly thereafter, his identity as Fyodor Nesterenko was revealed, and his body was returned to his family. In 2094 Fred the Dangerous was posthumously inducted into the <<Fraternity of Superheroes>>.
Police said they spent some time working out if they could charge the man with being armed with a weapon, as technically he was armed with part of a fish.

User avatar
Cirtur
Licensed Troll Pornographer
Posts: 9964
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:13 pm
Location: Europe
Contact:

Re: Fred the Dangerous

Post by Cirtur »

While not in the spirit of my article on Dangerous People, it does display background information about Fred that seemed a little too inconsequential for a broader article like mine. Perfect for an in-depth article like your own, however.

Post Reply