Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

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Kaharz
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Kaharz »

I realize I'm probably a bit late to the bandwagon on this. I usually try to ignore the latest internet fads, but this one has been going on for a while and it annoys the crap out of me. I'm talking about the "I'm special / different / misunderstood / superior / whatever because I'm an introvert" trend. I'm certainly not an extrovert, and I've actually had to be medicated to avoid anxiety attacks in certain social situations* in the distant past. It is something I still have to be aware of to a small extent, but I learned to mostly deal with it without paxil (TM) over a decade ago. But it always just comes across as a lame excuse when I read someone talking about it on the internet. You like alone time and don't like crowds? Whatever, just avoid them. The world doesn't need to hear your justification for it. It's no big deal. You're still probably well within the spectrum of 'normal.' It's cool. It doesn't make you special. There are lots of people like you. Stop defining it yourself by it. As long as you aren't so introverted that you are an outright hermit, it is probably fine. In the same way that someone who is so extroverted they engage in risky behavior to get attention, the extremes are bad. But I'm guessing most the people talking about their introversion are not at the extreme or they probably wouldn't be blogging about it.

I'm probably being really unnecessarily bitchy about this because of my past experience and my age. It is no big deal being introverted when no one expects you to party because all your friends have day jobs and/or kids. But the stuff I read just comes across as backwards to me. There is nothing wrong with being 'introverted' and I get really annoyed when people feel the need to preach about it, in the same way that I got annoyed when all the goths in the 90s would pretend to be sooo depressed.** I wish people would find another way to assure themselves that they are special. Maybe by actually doing something or focusing on things they are good at as opposed to just wanting to be alone.

*Large, tightly packed unfamiliar crowds. I did abuse it once or twice to get out of church which was nice. But it could make large college classes really difficult, which was not great. Having to leave lecture because you are hyperventilating and dry heaving is not awesome.
**I also had some issues with depression. Mild issues greatly exacerbated by my age / life at the time.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Astrogirl »

I think in a US American context it makes sense to discuss the large preference society gives to extroverted people over introverted people. It has a major impact on people's careers. Even [the US part of] my company's diversity and inclusion department deals with the topic of introversion.
Microaggression? Microaggression!

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Kaharz
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Kaharz »

I understand that. My job was a major factor in me dealing with my social issues since I have to constantly interact with a wide variety of people. I'm still not very social at work, but I interact enough to do my job and be accepted.. My lower level of social interaction has come up in performance evaluations, but some of the bosses I've had see it as a good thing since I don't play favorites or get involved in personal drama and those things can be serious handicaps for a manager.

But being more towards the introverted end gives me a big advantage in school. I don't feel the need to go out and party or be social, I'm perfectly happy staying in and studying. It also gave me sone advantage at work because I was willing to work late or on weekends and study my profession more than others who just wanted to get the day's work done and go do social activities. Any personality trait that isn't extreme is going to have its advantages and disadvantages that can be exploited and managed respectively.

I think the two things that annoy me most about what I usually see on the internet regarding introversion and extroversion is that they are often presented as a dichotomy, not a continuum, and that a lot of it seems to present introversion as superior in some way.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by DonRetrasado »

I think introversion can be a serious disadvantage in a lot of job markets where networking is practically a requirement to get an interview or work or a promotion or whatever.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Liriodendron_fagotti »

My family is fairly introverted, but we all compensate for it. Definitely not introverted to a crippling extent at all - I definitely agree about disliking the introduction of the "cool factor" by people with mild introversion. Just yesterday I read a dumb listicle that """""Only Introverts Will Understand!"""""

It's helped in school. It's not helped in the romantic realm but I've gotten a lot better over the last couple years of relaxing in those situations.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by smiley_cow »

To be fair all that introversion stuff was really overblown a couple years back. It was driving me nuts too. Though at least in my little corner of the interwebs, it seems to have calmed down a fair bit.

I don't know if I'm introverted or extroverted, I don't really fit well into either category.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Kimra »

Communicating with people.

I hate it. I get it wrong. Then I feel bad for getting it wrong.

So I think I'm just going to stop talking to people for a while and maybe I'll get it right when I've forgotten how badly I do this whole thing.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Astrogirl »

I feel you.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by DonRetrasado »

Here's one; if you're not planning to attend a facebook event, say so on facebook! It's totally OK. Don't be a weirdo and totally refuse to acknowledge that anything is going on. Non-committal maybes are also bad but better than nothing. This is why I hate trying to organize stuff. If it's 3 hours before the event starts you probably have some idea if you're going to go or not.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Liriodendron_fagotti »

I'll often get an invite to something that was clearly an "all my friends within 100 miles" invite kind of deal. Those I generally don't respond to. If it's <20 people invited, I try to always respond since I figure it'll actually matter who and exactly how many people are coming.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by DonRetrasado »

It was in the ~20 people range, and generally people who I thought would respond to my ~~BIRTHDAY~~ invitation. Like gawd, people put such importance to posting on your wall on your birthday but won't tell you if they'll actually show up to your party. I'm not upset with how many people showed up (enough for me to have a fun time) so much as the total lack of feedback I got. I feel like I need new friends.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Astrogirl »

Maybe they didn't log into Facebook in those 3 hours?
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by Kaharz »

DonRetrasado wrote: Like gawd, people put such importance to posting on your wall on your birthday but won't tell you if they'll actually show up to your party.
A couple of years ago a friend got a bunch of facebook happy birthday messages on his wall. He wondered how many were just automatically responding to the Facebook reminder without really paying attention to who they were wishing happy birthday too. So two weeks later he posted a message saying it was his birthday and about half his Facebook friends wished him a happy birthday again.
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by smiley_cow »

Man, I always deactivate my facebook account during my birthday. Who needs that kind of stress?
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Re: Pet Peeves: those things we really hate

Post by DonRetrasado »

Astrogirl wrote:Maybe they didn't log into Facebook in those 3 hours?
I'll clarify, the event was up for a few days. I posted that a few hours before I went out because I was annoyed that I wasn't getting any firm "no"s even. People can't handle the slightest bit of confrontation to even say "I'm busy" or whatever.
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