I am sex positive and so can you! Or not, it's all good.

[Kaharz]

For more information, read basically anything by Heinlein past 1960.

I'm glad Have Spacesuit, Will Travel was written in 1958, or that would read totally differently now.

[carbonstealer]

That is very interesting. I've always been pro-gay marriage but disliked the idea of multiple marriage, because it degrades the point of committing exclusively to the one person, and generally polygamous marriage involves one man marrying lots of women rather than an equal opportunities boat. I'm probably over thinking it now because now I feel like a bad person because although I'm happy for the definition of marriage to be between two people, rather than just a man and a woman, changing it to between however many people and however many people is not an attractive prospect...

Apparently, I'm a bigot

Guess it was always coming

[Astrogirl]

For more information, read basically anything by Heinlein past 1960.

I dunno. I mean, he was influential and all. But it's all ... well, fictional. Nobody really does the line marriage thing - not even the people who founded these first poly "nests" and specifically referred to Heinlein in doing so. Partner swapping, swinging, open relationships and orgies exist, but are not considered to be part of polyamory or at best at the fringes of it.

it degrades the point of committing exclusively to the one person

Point as made in the post before: Marrying is not actually about commiting to a monogamous relationship. This commitment has been made way before. Often already at some point during the dating phase, depending on the people involved already at the very beginning. On the other hand quite a number of people decide not to marry, ever, and still live in commited monogamous relationships. Marrying is more of a promise to stay together forever, no matter what (even though it doesn't work out like this for a large percentage of the marriages ... many polies comment mostly on this point, but I think it's not overly relevent, as this is not different for mono and poly marriages). It's also a way to receive quite a number of legal benefits, many of which cannot be obtained by contractual agreements.

generally polygamous marriage involves one man marrying lots of women rather than an equal opportunities boat

Nope, that's called polygamy. More specifically it would be polygyny, but that's not the point. When discussing polyamory, polygamy is used for old-fashioned /traditional / religious ways, and this happens to be 1 man : n women in most of the societies with poly* marriages at hand. Polyamory is used for "the equal opportunities boat", which could happen to be one man with two girlfriends, but it's just as frequently a woman with two boyfriends, or a married couple with each of them dating other people, and bisexuality, homosexuality or asexuality mixed in if any of the people involved in the relationship network are so inclined.

Apparently, I'm a bigot.

Well yes, you are. Just like most other people. As long as you work on overcoming this, it's okay.

/edit: Forgot homosexual and asexual people.

[GUTCHUCKER]

I am going to go look up the word 'bigot' because I do not know what it means.
Oh right. Yay, I am a bigot!*

*I hate the ideas of religion, culture, politeness and tradition. Also some forms of extreme sexual deviancy.

[Sandwiches]

Bigot - (noun) A contraction of big idiot. Usually used as a term of endearment e.g. Oh you bigot, you left the fridge door open! What am I going to do with you?

[GUTCHUCKER]

Sounds legit. Is that the Sandfordwitches dictionary?

[carbonstealer]

For more information, read basically anything by Heinlein past 1960.

I dunno. I mean, he was influential and all. But it's all ... well, fictional. Nobody really does the line marriage thing - not even the people who founded these first poly "nests" and specifically referred to Heinlein in doing so. Partner swapping, swinging, open relationships and orgies exist, but are not considered to be part of polyamory or at best at the fringes of it.

it degrades the point of committing exclusively to the one person

Point as made in the post before: Marrying is not actually about commiting to a monogamous relationship. This commitment has been made way before. Often already at some point during the dating phase, depending on the people involved already at the very beginning. On the other hand quite a number of people decide not to marry, ever, and still live in commited monogamous relationships. Marrying is more of a promise to stay together forever, no matter what (even though it doesn't work out like this for a large percentage of the marriages ... many polies comment mostly on this point, but I think it's not overly relevent, as this is not different for mono and poly marriages). It's also a way to receive quite a number of legal benefits, many of which cannot be obtained by contractual agreements.

generally polygamous marriage involves one man marrying lots of women rather than an equal opportunities boat

Nope, that's called polygamy. More specifically it would be polygyny, but that's not the point. When discussing polyamory, polygamy is used for old-fashioned /traditional / religious ways, and this happens to be 1 man : n women in most of the societies with poly* marriages at hand. Polyamory is used for "the equal opportunities boat", which could happen to be one man with two girlfriends, but it's just as frequently a woman with two boyfriends, or a married couple with each of them dating other people, and bisexuality mixed in if any of the people involved in the relationship network are so inclined.

Apparently, I'm a bigot.

Well yes, you are. Just like most other people. As long as you work on overcoming this, it's okay.

I guess my problem is that I don't really have a problem with it but I think I should? I've thought about it and its the same principle, just because I don't want to marry a lady, doesn't mean other ladies shouldn't have the opportunity to marry ladies, and if other people work in a poly-interesting (since that seems to sum it up) relationship than that is okay too I guess.

Bigotry thought out of?

I guess my experience of extra people in a relationship has been through a lot of lying and deceit that ended up in lots of issues, counselling, and a burning hatred of all things *insert name here*. Which is a completely different thing to what you are explaining. I couldn't tolerate other people in my relationships because I've had far too much betrayal in that sector, there would be far too much hurt and jealousy and, knowing me, anger. I can see the appeal of your set up though... I just don't have the mindset for it or to immediately understand it without mulling it over for a few days (consider it mulled).

You must be an incredibly non-possessive person

[Sandwiches]

Sounds legit. Is that the Sandfordwitches dictionary?

Sandfordwitches - noun The plural form of Sandfordwitch, a man or woman who, having sold their soul to the devil for magic powers, employs these powers to fill cars with sand.

[Astrogirl]

I guess my experience of extra people in a relationship has been through a lot of lying and deceit that ended up in lots of issues, counselling, and a burning hatred of all things *insert name here*. Which is a completely different thing to what you are explaining.

Exactly, cheating is something completely different from polyamory.

I couldn't tolerate other people in my relationships because I've had far too much betrayal in that sector, there would be far too much hurt and jealousy and, knowing me, anger.

And you don't have to. Nobody is asking you to become poly. Okay, some poly people really tell mono people "You really oughta try poly, it's great!", but in my opinion this is only very slightly more sensible than telling hetero|homo people "You really oughta try sleeping with men/women, it's great!"

Polyamory is not a morally superior option to monogamy, just like pansexuality is not a morally superior option to hetero- or homosexuality. You have to do whatever works for you and your partner(s).

You must be an incredibly non-possessive person

Not sure. I am not possessive of my girlfriends. I knew they had primary partners (husbands), as do I. I might or might not be a bit jealous if they start dating other women. They say they are not jealous of me having another girlfriend.
I would be a lot more jealous about my husband dating another woman. At first I said I don't want him to do this. Mostly because of the risk of losing him to a woman who is looking for a mono or primary partner. But by now I got over it and encouraged him to find a girlfriend who is poly and already in a primary relationship and looking for a secondary partner (he's hetero). But now he doesn't feel anymore he wants to date anyone else.

[Edminster]

"You really oughta try sleeping with men, it's great!"

It really is, and more people should know this.

[DonRetrasado]

I'll marry you to a shoe.

[smiley_cow]

That is very interesting. I've always been pro-gay marriage but disliked the idea of multiple marriage, because it degrades the point of committing exclusively to the one person, and generally polygamous marriage involves one man marrying lots of women rather than an equal opportunities boat. I'm probably over thinking it now because now I feel like a bad person because although I'm happy for the definition of marriage to be between two people, rather than just a man and a woman, changing it to between however many people and however many people is not an attractive prospect...

I think law-wise we're just too specific about marriage. If two adults--any two adults--want to do their taxes together and have a single income household, whether they be lovers, roommates, friends, whatever, I don't understand why they shouldn't be allowed to. If you want to add more people to the mix (assuming you can all work it out), then I don't understand why that should be an issue, either. Same thing with hospital visitation rights, next of kin rights, whatever. You should be allowed to name whoever you want. Relationships are so much broader and so much more diverse than everyone you're close to being neatly sorted into spouse>family>romantic relationships>friends.

Honestly, I don't think marriage even needs to be through the government at all, it should be able to be personal and maybe through whatever religious institution you may belong to if you so choose. How you want to live is your business, and it's not the government's job to regulate it.

And I think I see where you're coming from, Carbon. My issue with polygamous marriages* has never been the polygamy aspect itself, rather than the fact that it's always one man with multiple women, and the fact that some of those women are underage. Which is a lot more to do with controlling women then it is anything to do with polyamory. But if 3 or more consenting adults can make a polyamorous relationship work, and they want to make it official, I say power to them.

"You really oughta try sleeping with men, it's great!"

It really is, and more people should know this.

I really wish people would stop telling me I'm missing out by not sleeping with people. -___-

*Such as the ones practiced in Bountiful BC and Hildale Utah, not the principle itself.

[Edminster]

"You really oughta try sleeping with men, it's great!"

It really is, and more people should know this.

I really wish people would stop telling me I'm missing out by not sleeping with people. -___-

Well it's just with men that it's amazing. Sleeping with women not so much.

[Sandwiches]

Ed is trying to convert me.

[Edminster]

Well duh, how else will I ensure that The Gay lasts another generation?