It's a story without chapters! And it's relatively short!

[Edminster]

Written with the help of Frostbite. Try and spot who wrote what sections!



A: I AM EATING A SANDWICH THAT HAS FAR TOO MUCH PEANUT BUTTER!

B: OH MY GOD! ABORT!! ABORT!!!!

A: IT'S TOO LATE! I"M CAUGHT IN IT'S GRAVITATIONAL FIELD!

B: PULL UP! PULL UP!!!!

A: CONTROLS AREN'T RESPONDING! IF I DIE, PROMISE ME ONE THING!

B: WHAT?

A: TELL MY WIFE, I BANGED YOUR MOM!

B: WHY?

A: BECAUSE YOUR MOM'S A WHORE, AND I FIGURED MY WIFE DESERVED TO KNOW WHERE ALL THE VENEREAL DISEASES CAME FROM!

B: BUT THAT ISN'T TRUE AT ALL!

A: THEN HOW DID I GET THE SPACE AIDS?

B: TUCKER'S MOM!

A: OH YEAH, I FORGOT ABOUT THAT. IN THAT CASE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TELL YOUR MOM THAT SHE NEEDS TO GET HERSELF TESTED.

A: OH THANK GOD, I FOUND THE EMRGENCY MILK RESERVE!

B: ON PLANET ZARKON 9?

A: WHERE ELSE IN THE GAMMA SECTOR WOULD YOU FIND A HYPER-DENSE PEANUT-BUTTER SANDWICH?

B: I DUNNO, I'VE HEARD RUMORS THOUGH!

A: REALLY? THAT'S PRETTY SPECTACULAR.

A: DO YOU REMEMBER WHO TOLD YOU?

A: 'CUZ THAT GUY PROBABLY KNOWS FOR SURE WHERE IT'S AT.

B: NOT REALLY, I HEARD IT AT A SPACEPORT WHILE DOWNING PAN-GALACTIC GARGLE BLASTERS.

A: IF THAT'S THE CASE, I'M SURPRISED YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING AT ALL!

B: I KNOW, RIGHT?

A: SERIOUSLY, WAS THE BARTENDER WATERING THEM DOWN OR SOMETHING?

A: BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE LIKE, IN A COMA, OR SOMETHING!

B: NAH, I MADE THEM

A: WAIT, SINCE WHEN DID YOU START TENDING THE BAR AT SPACEPORTS?

B: I DIDN'T, I TOOK IT OVER THROUGH HOSTILE FORCE, I HAD BEEN DOWNING OF SOME OF CRAZY 'OLE MAN LANETH'S MOONSHINE EARLIER THAT DAY.

B: IT DOES THINGS TO YOU.

A: I'M SO GLAD THAT HE TURNED THAT STUFF INTO A SUCCESSFUL DISTILLING COMPANY BEFORE HE WAS MURDERED!

B: YEAH, THAT'S COOL.

A: WHAT'S THE TAGLINE FOR THAT COMPANY? IT HAS COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND!

B: "THERE IS A 96.4% CHANCE OUR DRINKS WON'T KILL YOU!"

A: OH YEAH, THEY WON THE 'TRUTH IN ADVERTISING' AWARD THREE YEARS RUNNING WITH THAT. HOW COULD I FORGET?

B: MAYBE YOU WERE DOWNING TOO MUCH OF IT?

A: THAT'S A MUCH BETTER EXPLANATION THAN 'PEANUT-BUTTER-INDUCED AMNESIA'!

B: INDEED.

A: WHY ARE WE STILL SHOUTING? I THOUGHT THE EMERGENCY WAS OVER!

B: WELL, THIS COMMUNICATION HARDWARE/SOFTWARE COMBO IS REALLY ERRATIC.

B: IT'S JUST THE BEST WAY TO MAKE SURE ONE IS HEARD.

A: MAN, THE FUTURE SUCKS!

B: IT REALLY DOES.

A: I SHOULD TRACK DOWN THE BASTARD THAT INVENTED THIS PIECE-OF-CRAP TECHNOLOGY!

B: FOR REALS

B: WELL I'M HEADED TO BED.

A: SLEEP WELL!

B: YOU TOO!

A: I WILL, AS SOON AS I FIND SUITABLE ACCOMODATIONS HERE ON ZARKON 9!

[FengharTheNord]

Sounds like future peanut butter is as dangerous as it is tasty.

[mountainmage]

20 days later it is probably moldy.

[AHMETxRock]

A brown and sticky substance, and it's apparently very old? Oh god. Whatever you do, don't eat that sandwich! That wasn't peanut butter in that unmarked jar! Just because you find something brown and in a jar sitting on the counter doesn't mean it' peanut butter!

Oh god, what have I done?

[Cirtur]

You ejaculated into a jar?

[AHMETxRock]

Uh.... No I didn't?

[Cirtur]

I was implying that your semen was brown and sticky.

[AHMETxRock]

You are correct. That's the reason I am sad and lonely.

[Cirtur]

It's very noble of you to become sad and lonely to avoid making people feel ill.

[FengharTheNord]

My semen is chunky and red.

Is this bad?

I don't think it would make very good peanut butter, but maybe it could substitute as some all natural strawberry preserves.

[mountainmage]

With a name like Smucker's it has to be se...never mind.