Me and My Umbrella.

For original creative work. For the love of Zach, read Rule 30.

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LordRetard
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Me and My Umbrella.

Post by LordRetard »

Pale and sickly as a child, I had grown accustomed to carrying my plain, black umbrella no matter where I went. I would even keep my umbrella open indoors, to save my eyes from the windows and artificial lights. My mother took me aside one day and said, "put that thing away, you look like a fucking moron." I, of course, refused this advice. The sun would ruin my sight and my skin, and, moreover, I thought it was fashionable. Certainly no one else I knew was so daring as to carry an umbrella everywhere. One day, it caught a breeze, and I struggled to keep the implement in my hand, worried it might invert and break at any moment, when suddenly the breeze lifted the umbrella into the air, and carried me with it. I was alarmed at first, but as the days went on I began to try it on my own, taking a liking to it. I was the first of all my friends to learn to fly, as far as I knew. From then on, I practiced with my umbrella, soaring to new heights and astonishing the eyes of everyone who looked upon me and my umbrella. One day, I was flying home from school, when it started to rain and thunder. It gave me a fright and I flew as fast as I could, and luckily made it to my destination without being struck by lightning even once. When I opened the door, there was my mother, who said, "your clothes are fucking soaked." I was briefly confused, but finally came to an understanding. This was no ordinary umbrella, in fact it was hardly an umbrella at all; it couldn't even stop the rain. It was some device designed exclusively for flight. I, on the other hand, had no gift for such lofty endeavours; I was, in stark contrast, an ordinary boy who was rather sickly and pale.

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Edminster
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by Edminster »

I like it! Here have some words that floated through my head when I tried in vain to describe it:
turn of the century absurdist Russian transplanted modern

I should probably be sleeping right now!
ol qwerty bastard wrote:bitcoin is backed by math, and math is intrinsically perfect and logically consistent always

gödel stop spreading fud

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LordRetard
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by LordRetard »

I almost bought Lolita the other day.

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Sahan
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by Sahan »

Great stuff! I should point out that you have a typo in your first sentence here and on facebook though.
Destructicus wrote: Alt text:
"I wonder if chemists feel bad that they're always left out of these sorts of jokes."

Since when is chemistry not a science?

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LordRetard
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by LordRetard »

Actually I was just fixing up another typo, so thanks. I'm having a bit of trouble editing right now (obviously) so tell me if there are any other glaring problems.

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FengharTheNord
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by FengharTheNord »

I like it too!
DonRetrasado wrote:
Amerika wrote:
DonRetrasado wrote:Well you'd need a sock as big as an airplane to hide my penis. An airplane the size of the universe.
Wait I live in a universe.
bow chicka bow wow

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DonRetrasado
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by DonRetrasado »

So, I've been thinking of stealing this and using it for my first open mic. Thoughts?
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Edminster
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by Edminster »

As long as you give credit I see no reason why not.
ol qwerty bastard wrote:bitcoin is backed by math, and math is intrinsically perfect and logically consistent always

gödel stop spreading fud

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Lethal Interjection
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by Lethal Interjection »

Edminster wrote:As long as you give credit I see no reason why not.
I don't know how LR would feel about it. You may want to contact him. He's been AWOL since around the time you joined, and no one is quite sure what happened to him. But if you are able to get ahold of him and get his permission, I think it'd be fine.

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Edminster
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by Edminster »

Last I heard LR was joining some weird homosexual line marriage thing, so I think he'd be fine with people having their way with his stuff.
ol qwerty bastard wrote:bitcoin is backed by math, and math is intrinsically perfect and logically consistent always

gödel stop spreading fud

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DonRetrasado
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by DonRetrasado »

Edminster wrote:Last I heard LR was joining some weird homosexual line marriage thing, so I think he'd be fine with people having their way with his stuff.
That DID NOT happen you are full of it!
Astrogirl wrote:Lethal, nobody wants to know about your herpes.
Lethal Interjection wrote:That's good to know. I can avoid a few awkward phone calls now.

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Kovvy
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by Kovvy »

I could have sworn he ran off before you even joined the forum, DR.

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Kimra
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Re: Me and My Umbrella.

Post by Kimra »

Hey, I hadn't read this before, but I really like it. Shame I can't tell LR. He was a good sort, kind of.
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