Dear Parents,

[astasia]

You are doing a crappy job of raising your children.

They lack self-sufficiency and self-direction. They expect everything handed to them. They are unmotivated and lack drive. They are inconsistent, at best.

And, this is your fault. If they don't overcome your poor upbringing, it is their fault. However, this initial start is yours.

Stop ignoring the important things and hovering over the unimportant.

Stop handing them excuses for why they can't do things.

Take responsibility and show your children how to take responsibility.

And, screw you for getting knocked up in the first place if you didn't want to put the work into raising a child.

Sincerely,

Astasia, your child's teacher

[mountainmage]

Please tell me that's a real letter. My respect for you would soar.

[wolf]

And that's one reason why I didn't become a teacher. Parent teacher interviews were my favourite day, so many times I had to stop myself from saying "Now I know why your child is a complete idiot."

So many people shouldn't be parents, it makes me sick. Literally two weeks ago I was at C.A.S.(Children's Aid Society) because my room mate's sister lets her boyfriend beat her (that's right I said let's him when a woman makes up excuses "It was an accident," "We were play fighting," "He was drunk and high and didn't mean it," the woman is letting him beat her). Anyhoo, I guess the boyfriend started hurting the kid and his mom either didn't notice or didn't care. YAY! Parenting skillz, she has them.

There are good parents out there, it just seems the crappy ones procreate faster. Forced sterilization is frowned upon isn't?

[astasia]

Please tell me that's a real letter. My respect for you would soar.

Nope. It's called not having tenure. You can't do shit like that until you've been around for a while.

And that's one reason why I didn't become a teacher. Parent teacher interviews were my favourite day, so many times I had to stop myself from saying "Now I know why your child is a complete idiot."

So many people shouldn't be parents, it makes me sick. Literally two weeks ago I was at C.A.S.(Children's Aid Society) because my room mate's sister lets her boyfriend beat her (that's right I said let's him when a woman makes up excuses "It was an accident," "We were play fighting," "He was drunk and high and didn't mean it," the woman is letting him beat her). Anyhoo, I guess the boyfriend started hurting the kid and his mom either didn't notice or didn't care. YAY! Parenting skillz, she has them.

There are good parents out there, it just seems the crappy ones procreate faster. Forced sterilization is frowned upon isn't?

I've been in an abusive relationship. I've been hit (and worse), and I went back to him. Not because I didn't know what it was, but because I thought I loved him.

That still doesn't mean I let him, or that I wanted to be hit.

That said, I have no sympathy for anyone who would let someone hurt a child. And, when I was in that relationship, I would get somewhat upset when I was the one being punished. I would get more upset when he would hit my/his girlfriend (not only because he would usually be more abusive towards her, but also because seeing someone else getting hurt is just worse to me). I would often intervene and get in more trouble because of it. If it had been a child, I wouldn't of stayed. I wouldn't of let the child in that situation to begin with.

That is all off-topic of the main point, but, I couldn't not say it. I feel passionately about that issue.

[Edminster]

Could you promise us that once you have tenure, you turn that into a real letter?

[astasia]

Could you promise us that once you have tenure, you turn that into a real letter?

If I have a student/parent combination where it's justified, then, yes.

But, it is gonna be a long wait until I'm tenured and I'm able to let people know what I truly think.

[Neglected Shoe]

You are doing a crappy job of raising your children.

They lack self-sufficiency and self-direction. They expect everything handed to them. They are unmotivated and lack drive. They are inconsistent, at best.

And, this is your fault. If they don't overcome your poor upbringing, it is their fault. However, this initial start is yours.

Stop ignoring the important things and hovering over the unimportant.

Stop handing them excuses for why they can't do things.

Take responsibility and show your children how to take responsibility.

And, screw you for getting knocked up in the first place if you didn't want to put the work into raising a child.

Sincerely,

Astasia, your child's teacher

The maxim "it takes a village to raise a child" comes to mind here. While there are no doubt horrible parents who never should be allowed to raise children, there are also horrible teachers that should never be allowed to teach. That's not an attack on you, by the way - I've known many great teachers, as well as great parents. There is also the influence of television, the internet, and in general, the massive amount of media stimulation that is thrown at kids these days. Don't forget other kids, babysitters, other family members, other kid's parents, and pretty much anyone else they come in contact with on a daily basis.

Yes, parents have the most influence over their children's development and behavior, but that's far from the end of the story. Next to the parents, teachers have the most influence on children. It's part of the responsibility of the teacher to challenge kids, give them direction, and inspire them to find their passion and drive.

Also, calling children inconsistent is like saying birds fly. They're kids, that's what they do.

[Cirtur]

I'll have you know I decided upon a personality for each one of my children well before their third birthday and have proceeded to beat them when they strayed from it. We have (in order of whom I like most):

Lucy the Helpful

Craig the Brave

Bernard the Violent

Herbert the Inconsistent

I have to mention that I am having trouble with Herbert. He seems not so much inconsistent as angry and whenever I see him he looks at me as if he is planning something. Hang on a second he's just come into the room. What's that you've got there, Herbert? What are you-asdnjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhinjhisdlagaaaaaaaaaajkldsfbnasdfhubbbbbbbbbbbbbbuaaskljbbbbbbbbbbdfhaiuwerbfhiasdbgiashdbfsdklaklassssssssssssssssssssssdjfnhsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjsdjnaslkdjfn

I am truly free now that father is dead.

[Oldrac the Chitinous]

I don't doubt that I've had teachers that felt this way about me. I dunno, maybe I still do.
I'm sure plenty of these parents honestly think they're doing the right thing, trying to make their kids' life as easy as possible. But it's taken me a long time to develop what self-direction I do have, and I owe an awful lot of that progress to some very good teachers.

[ChooChooTrain]

The family is falling apart in today's society and our children's ethics along with it. Parents should be a child's foundation, feeding more than just their stomach, but also their morality, work ethic, and values. Instead, parents are demonstrating laziness, physical and moral, to their kids, and giving their kids excuses for failure. In doing so, they cut their legs out from under them. When they get into the "real world," they'll have no way to stand.

I've been in an abusive relationship. I've been hit (and worse), and I went back to him. Not because I didn't know what it was, but because I thought I loved him.

Is there any possibility this has something to do with your sexual orientation? Perhaps the abusive relationship you had with a man spurred you to seek a safer, more tender companion. Hearing about the abuse you suffered immediately brought me to this theory. I want to know what you think about it. Is it completely absurd?

Please know I don't mean this question as an attack on the idea of orientation being genetic. I don't think you have to reject that idea to consider the possibility of this theory. Perhaps your experience lead you to reject your body's heterosexual tendencies in favor of your homosexual ones.

Cirtur, I love the Perry Bible Fellowship, especially the comic you just referenced.

[Lethal Interjection]

The maxim "it takes a village to raise a child" comes to mind here.

That is a fantastic maxim, and you only did it half-justice. I have no doubt that some of the problem is just that. You have parents who shuffle off to work as soon as possible, the family becomes rather isolated, and there is a lack of community, and children often have to raise themselves. If us Westerners were a bit better at community (oh, how I could start on a glaring tyrade about the supposed "community" that suburbia is meant to portray) and family how much better would our kids turn out? I would imagine it would be much better.

[LordRetard]

My family used to be together for dinner every day, all 5 of us, and depending on what was going on usually breakfast and lunch; that is to say that we spent a lot of time together. And I mean I think my two brothers and I turned out pretty good (one's in grad school, the other has a great job, I am passing all of my courses), minus the alcoholism and drugs. But then again we do live in Toronto.

[rustypup]

there is a lack of community, and children often have to raise themselves.

There is a simple, unpopular, solution - no TV/PC until the child is >7 years of age. This will ensure time for engagement within the family, and encourage socialisation within peer groups, during the critical development years.

It will also enable a healthy imagination... something which the newest generation appears to be lacking.

<Television is bad, but not for the reasons touted by the Jack Thompson brigade...>

Along with, (and I hesitate to mention this given it is taboo in so many 'developed' countries), corporal punishment. Children don't negotiate.

[LordRetard]

I can imagine shit AND I was on TV/PC all of the time as a kid. Take THAT. I think people have been missing imaginations for quite some time. Honestly problems don't come and go with each generation, certainly not everyone from our parents' generation turned out wonderful. No one is born knowing how to raise kids.

As for corporal punishment, it can be taboo and sometimes it's not... But more importantly there are a couple of problems with it.
1. Where is the line? This is a very serious question. What is "adequate punishment"? What is teaching and what is hurting? When does a teacher have to tell child services about a kid's bruises? Is it okay to beat your kids when you've been drinking (this question is simpler)? And if a child doesn't respond properly is the use of force allowed to escalate until the child learns? See it's one thing to say that punishment will help your kids but it's pretty well understood that beating your kids too much will probably mess them up.
2. Lousy support for effectiveness. Child psychologists have argued for the past while that punishment doesn't actually work, at all, and is more likely to cause harm. The unanimous response to this by children and parents alike is "fuck that, kids need to get beat or else they won't learn." But, I mean, research has been conducted, and it's definitely leaning toward the "punishment might fuck up your kid" side. That's not to say that corporal punishment does NOT work; rather, it's way too difficult to say one way or another at the moment, at least from my or your knowledge of the subject. In my opinion there is probably a better way to teach than beating your kids, but I think I'd make a lousy father anyway so I'm trying to steer clear of fatherhood altogether.

[rustypup]

I can imagine shit AND I was on TV/PC all of the time as a kid

Then you're bucking the trend... I spend much of my meetings/projects involved with young people who lack the ability to think their way through a straw... and this trend is most certainly downward. Along with a general lack of creativity is a frightening inability to focus for anything longer than 7 minutes. There again, I am by all accounts, (and on my wife's word), old before my time, so my opinion is most certainly skewed toward codgerism...

Where is the line?

Yes, it is a tough question. However, that is no excuse to shirk from the responsibility. Travelling through the UK, (especially certain metropolitan centres in Scotland), is like having an eye on the future where kids run rampant with not a soul willing to restrain their basic impulses.

Yes, corporal punishment can be, (and has been), taken too far - but the extreme cases are not an argument against it when you see what happens through its lack. Children require firm boundaries - when parents lack the backbone to enforce acceptable behaviour, they're doing far more damage than a simple hiding, (and hiding != beating someone with a bat)....

Frankly, I firmly believe that many of parents who buy into the "it's bad" reasoning do so because it then absolves them of blame, responsibility and, ultimately, parenting. Not all, but the majority, most certainly.