I'm Out

[LordRetard]

Dear Cirtur,

ur gay

-From the desk of LR

ps. Definitely, it's gonna be tons of fun. I haven't been bowling in ages!

[Cirtur]

Dear Lord Retard,

I must rebuke your remark twofold in that whilst I myself am not a homosexual, I am aware of many people who are of that persuasion and may take offence at your remark. Please keep such thoughts to yourself in future.

Yours sincerely,

Cirtur

ps. Last time I was there, the girl TOTALLY looked at me. You could tell she wanted me. It's gonna be awesome.

[Edminster]

TO: Lord Paramount Retardus, Grand Wizard of the Chapter of Canadia, Angriest Man Alive, Harbinger of Plague, Ignorant Holocaust Denier, Alleged Sex Offender, Promoter of Intelligent Design, Part Falcon, Black Tortoise of the North, von den Zurückgeblieben del Retraso of the Second Coming

FROM: Pontifex Edminster, Spiritual Leader of the One True Forum, Interpreter of the Whims of Zach the Magnificent, Destroyer of Locomotives and Shaper of Spam-Bots

SUBJECT: You have insulted my wife!

BODY: LR, while I reluctantly accept your right to speak freely, I really must insist that you cease your libelous assault against my wife this instant. If I may remind you, I will not hesitate to brandish my modstick in order to attain your capitulation.

Sincerely,
Ed

P.S. Am I supposed to bring the funny shoes this time?

[Cirtur]

To my everloving husband and Minister of the Parish of Ed,

Thank you for standing up for my virtue and morals. You shall be soundly rewarded in our private chambers.

Your wife, Cirtur

ps. Yeah, bring the shoes. I've been practising on the wii, do you think that'll help?

[LordRetard]

Dear Cirtur and Edminster,

lol omg guys calm down. this isnt livejournal ffs. too much drama.

-From the desk of LR

ps. Hahah she was looking at ME, man! Whatever, go talk to her, man. And remember to make sure you hide the shoes in your bag, otherwise they won't let you in. Remember what happened last time? We had to go all the way across town to the Fun-Bowl, and they don't even have a Cosmic Bowling lane.

[Hammurabi]

From the Desk of Hammurabi

Dear LordRetard,

I regret to hear your assessment of one of the finest cities in my empire. Ur is a world leader in Ziggurat production and Being Really Old, but there are far too many people that will never experience the wonders of our beloved city because of the widespread misconception that it is, in fact, gay. I hope that you will take the opportunity to revisit both our empire and your opinion of it.

To your good health,
- Hammurabi

p.s. Hey, can I come bowling with you guys?

[LordRetard]

Dear Hammurabi,

gb2gaia lol

-From the desk of LR

ps. Do you own any funny shoes?

[Cirtur]

Dear Hammurabi and Lord Retard,

I believe a simple misunderstanding is at fault here. Lord Retard was attempting to unsettle me, however he managed to infuriate an entire nation with his sweeping statements. I hope you two can remain at least casual acquaintances and not break into that unbearable territory of enemies.

Yours sincerely,

Cirtur

ps. She was looking at me and I'm going to talk to her, but it'll be when we leave so if I mess up it won't be too awkward.

[Edminster]

From the Desk Of Gaia

All things will return to me in time, including you, Lord Retard. In the meantime, would everybody please stop polluting my body with hydrocarbons?

Love,
Gaia the Earthmother

ps Are you talking about the brunette chick? She's totally Sapphic, if you catch my drift.

[Cirtur]

ALL HAIL GAIA, MOTHER OF US ALL

ps. No the blonde. I see what you mean about the brunette though. Ugh.