Batman Incident of 2018, The

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mountainmage
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Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by mountainmage »

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Zach the Magnificent, always the wise ruler, decided he needed to place someone trustworthy in charge of his nation's criminals. As his brother <<Martholomew the Maleficent>> was far too busy creating <<The App of Wonders>>, Zach was hard-pressed to find someone worthy enough to undertake such a large and arduous task. Eventually, after sorting through the list of choices for Czar of the Criminal Population, a suitable candidate was chosen.

The man chosen was Batman, an eccentric, eternally-costumed figure. The resumé he provided was extensive. Not only had he prevented The Joker from unleashing the cure to all diseases (an evil act that would have upset the balance of nature), but he also invented extremely effective birth control aides such as the Bat-Diaphragm and the Bat-Condom, as well as the Utility Lung which allows the user to smoke as much as they want without risk of cancer or other diseases. Zach knew that a man of such ingenuity would surely be able to keep the incarcerated population in check. This was not the case, however.

Batman proved to be a tyrannical and incompetent Czar. With the unlimited power he held over criminals, Batman began to perform strange experiments on those of the "Thug" classification of prisoner. It was later discovered Batman had some sort of mania for revenge, due to the death of his parents at the hands of a Thug-class criminal. This piece of text was taken from Batman's personal journal:
Batman wrote:...and as the screams of the Thug reached my ears, I knew I had found my calling. Zach may have been naive in his choosing of me, but I will put my position to good use, avenging the death of my parents. They shall suffer manifold for their deeds...they shall scream until their throats are raw; indeed they shall endure agony immeasurable until they are literally begging for death by my hand. I being the merciful Czar that I am, shall oblige, albeit excruciatingly slow. When they are no longer of this world, I shall survey the damage and mankind will benefit from my learnings.
Batman kept to his word, and mankind did benefit from his experiments. The ground theory for human augmentation was discerned from Batman's research, eventually leading to the creation of AHMETxPositronium.

However, the aforementioned incompetence would rear its ugly head on March 19, 2018. After years of inhumane experimentation on the Thugs, Batman went insane and in a fit of madness set loose all of the nation's serial killers, due to their lack of gaudy make-up and uncreative names. The ensuing chaos left a bloody trail in its wake, and authorities across the nation were scrambling for years to round up the multitude of murderers. Many people died before a majority of the serial killers were recaptured. In the year before joining the then Immortal Six, AHMETxPositronium, the by-product of Batman's frayed genius, was enlisted to help round up the remainder of the psychopaths released.

Here is an artist's rendition of the incident:
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Shortly after The Incident, a Thug, who somehow managed to smuggle a gun and bullets into the prison where Batman headquartered, gunned the mad Czar down. Ironically, it was on the 50th anniversary of his parents' death. It is said that Batman laughed as he died, raving about super men, possibly referencing the human augmentation techniques he had begun to use on the Thug inmates. He also spoke of the super men's weakness: Kryptonite, a rare element Batman created in case the super men ever decided to turn against him. In reality, the Thug's bullets were made of Neon. It is unknown where he got the Neon bullets, or how they were created in the first place, but that is another matter entirely. Batman's funeral was held the following Friday.

Another artist's rendition of the fatal shooting:
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All of these events taught Zach a valuable lesson, that a single person should not be allowed to carry the power that Batman did (excluding himself, being the wise ruler that he was). Well, that and never trust an eccentric, eternally-costumed man. Zach the Magnificent would begin to hold elections for various administrative positions from then onward, for although he was always right in his decisions, with Batman he wasn't as right as he liked to be.
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Lethal Interjection
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by Lethal Interjection »

Comments:

1) That last paragraph reeks of conjecture. Unless you have access to the contents of Zach the Magnificent's blog, I don't see how we can gleaned what lessons he learned.
2) How long prior to the incident was Batman's rule established? It would be helpful for timeframe purposes.

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mountainmage
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by mountainmage »

The last paragraph is fact. After all, why would he suddenly decide to start having elections if not for disappointment with his decision? It may sound like opinion, but it is not without its merit.

It is unknown (to me, anyways) when Batman was appointed, but I can tell you it was a few years after the Annihilation of Outlandia, due to the relative peace after the destruction of the Spam-bot hordes. My guess is somewhere between 2009 and 2012. It coincided with the events of the Blogosphere offensive.
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by Lethal Interjection »

mountainmage wrote:The last paragraph is fact. After all, why would he suddenly decide to start having elections if not for disappointment with his decision? It may sound like opinion, but it is not without its merit.
Fact? In a way, I suppose. It does make logical sense, but the tone is more of commentary than actual fact.

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Oldrac the Chitinous
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by Oldrac the Chitinous »

I can see that my "Batman was a folk hero who never really existed" theory isn't going to get much ground here.
Pity.
Police said they spent some time working out if they could charge the man with being armed with a weapon, as technically he was armed with part of a fish.

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Sahan
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by Sahan »

Oldrac the Chitinous wrote:I can see that my "Batman was a folk hero who never really existed" theory isn't going to get much ground here.
Pity.
Another unprovable old wive's tale. What will it be next, pray tell, were the Chinese Mars Landing faked too? I'm afraid conspiracy theories have no place in a documentation project of this calibre. However, I can see the conspiracy theory itself and its misinformed supporters might warrant an article in this grand work of ours, if nothing more than a footnote.
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Since when is chemistry not a science?

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mountainmage
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by mountainmage »

I see my article was again undeserving of merit. That's ok, I didn't want a gold star anyways.

I award myself a cookie because that's how delicious my article is.
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by Edminster »

The Cookie has now been adopted as an award.
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gödel stop spreading fud

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Laneth
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by Laneth »

Edminster wrote:The Cookie has now been adopted as an award.
ZOMG LIEK NOWAI - I wants a cookie!
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mountainmage
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Re: Batman Incident of 2018, The

Post by mountainmage »

Alright! Cookies for admirable merit!
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