Death's Wishes

[Sahan]

Well, seeing as I've never heard of Hooters, I was going to say something more general.

[Lethal Interjection]

I wish I didn't write any of that.

You didn't write any of that. Somehow, when you pasted something into the window that was the last thing you'd copied. You don't remember reading it or writing it, but there it is, and strangely apt. In the midst of your confusing and furious investigation your soundcard blows up, incinerating your computer. The mystery remains, and yet seems somehow enhanced.

I wish I didn't have to bring my car to the mechanic.

[Oldrac the Chitinous]

You don't have to bring your car to the mechanic. You have to bring it to the vet.
You've been driving some kind of freakish meat wagon around and now it's contracted inoperable engine cancer because you keep pouring gasoline into it. The doctors there will put it to sleep as humanely as possible and then send you the bill.

I wish buses came by here a few more times per hour.

[Lethal Interjection]

You don't have to bring your car to the mechanic. You have to bring it to the vet.
You've been driving some kind of freakish meat wagon around and now it's contracted inoperable engine cancer because you keep pouring gasoline into it. The doctors there will put it to sleep as humanely as possible and then send you the bill.

I wish buses came by here a few more times per hour.

Buses come by more frequently per hour. About twice as often. But they seldom stop. And they are more seldom headed anywhere you want to go. Also, many of them are school buses, filled with obnoxious children. Having noticed that the street is on nearly every bus route, your childless neighbours start selling their houses (both out of annoyance and profitability) and soon the average age of your street occupants drops by 20%. Vehicle traffic on your street slows way down as children play in an around the street and endless crosswalks are put up. Taking a bus only a few blocks now takes twice as long. But the buses are still arriving more often.

I wish I could have fall weather all year 'round.

[Astrogirl]

You have fall weather all year round. This means lots of cold, rain, wind and thunderstorms. You are hit by a lightning, as the probability increased a lot.

I wish my boss weren't so pushy and timeunderestimagingy.

[Kimra]

You are hit by a lightning, as the probability increased a lot.

You are hit by lightning.
You are hit by a lightning bolt/strike.

I only write this for educational purposes. Please forgive me if it was just a typo, though I wouldn't know what that's like since I never make typos.

[Astrogirl]

You are hit by a lightning, as the probability increased a lot.

You are hit by lightning.
You are hit by a lightning bolt/strike.

English is weird.

I only write this for educational purposes. Please forgive me if it was just a typo, though I wouldn't know what that's like since I never make typos.

It was not a typo. It's only 01:14 a.m. and I already learned something new today thanks to you.

[sotic]

Welcome to English nouns that have no number.

[GUTCHUCKER]

Your boss is less pushy and no longer understands time. He fires you because he suspects that you have worked a negative number of hours today.
I wish English was perfectly understandable to everyone, whether or not they have learned it.

[Lethal Interjection]

I wish English was perfectly understandable to everyone, whether or not they have learned it.

English is perfectly understandable to everyone. With the ease of understanding, no one bothers to learn it. English writing and oratory slowly die off. The universal language dies off, and many regions have difficult conversing save through one or multiple translations to the regional dialect.

I wish each of the pennies in my coffee can were $100 bills.

[Astrogirl]

Each of the pennies in your coffee can is a 100$ bill.

The IRS / local tax agency finds out about your fortune and demands an explanation how you earned the money. You can't tell. You are arrested and spend 10 years in prison.

I wish there was more going on in the forum.

[Edminster]

There is more going on in the forum! You don't recognize anyone; the stream of new people is too voluminous and among the sea of voices you can no longer hear any of the friends you have made here. Eventually, the ancient installation begins crumbling under the weight of so many. The Great Rebalancing begins, the time foretold in the Lexicon is upon us. The forum is destroyed, but a galactic civilization rises...

i wish the united states had universal healthcare

[Asherian]

I wish the united states had universal healthcare

As brought to by Richard Nixon! Along with other social reform programmes like universal income and hating anyone who isn't homegonously "American".

I wish I knew how to quit you.